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who should die first the wife or the husband?

January 24, 2012

Disclaimer   I have no intention to hurt any one’s feelings or sentiments

While talking to one old widower and another old widow, the idea of this post came

Most of the ladies love and pamper their husbands to no limits, they take care of him (husband),look after his medicines, keep an eye on his movements, monitor his intake of foods, help him select his clothes etc etc. control his cholesterol, sugar , force him to go for walks . In general the wife makes the husband totally dependent on her.

They will rush home after any outing – “he must have come home, I have to give him his tea “

The wife always says “I want to die before my husband, Suhagan marna chahti hu”.

Has she ever thought that if she dies before the husband who will take care of him once she goes? She has made him so much dependent on her, rather made him handicapped to the extent that he will not take his medicine on his own.

Doesn’t she realize that once she dies the husband will be left alone with no one to take care of him, give him medicines?

How can the same woman who can’t bear the thought of leaving her husband alone for a single day think about leaving him for a lonely life without her?

Actually the best solution to save the old couples from depression because of death of the partner,is that the couple should die together so that no one suffers the loneliness, the feeling of left alone, the isolation and the depression

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30 Comments leave one →
  1. January 24, 2012 5:26 pm

    While the point is well taken, I am not sure whether the solution you propose will work. Will it not take us back to the days of Sati? You are forgetting that there are relations like sons and daughters. Husband or wife does not live just for one another; they live for theirs children, brothers and sisters as well.

    • January 24, 2012 6:15 pm

      the solution which i wrote was written in good humour. i know this is not possible. the entire post was written in a lighter mood
      but when u talk about sons and daughters
      it is a common observation that the old parents generally feel isolated, left alone by their sons
      and very often old parents are being abused not physically but emotionally ofcourse
      and yes it is not possible that both die at the same time
      and I am going against our Indian culture when i talk of husband going before the wife
      but once again the post was written in good humour

  2. January 24, 2012 7:15 pm

    You are right but I really do not know why the age old practice is still followed that the age of girl at the time of marriage should be less than that of boy. Idea may be that the man should die first ! Idea of dying together is ‘Suicidal’ which I do not subscribe.

  3. January 24, 2012 7:56 pm

    good conversation Anju

  4. January 25, 2012 10:43 am

    The fact is that more women, being younger, outlive their spouses than men do. In the past this was convenient because the man had the wife to take care of him and the wife was supposed to have the daughter in law to take care of her.

    I think it might help for the couple to have a social circle and plenty of friends in the same age so that they are not alone if one of them were to die earlier. I also feel marriages for companionship would be a very good idea for widows and widowers. In Gujarat I read there is an organisation helping senior citizens find live-in companions in their old age. That sounds like a nice idea. I think many Indian children might object to their parents remarrying because they might fear their inheritance being shared or snatched.

    • January 25, 2012 1:20 pm

      i dittoo ur thoughts about remarrying
      although in Indian culture it seems like a dream.
      i know of a Indian couple settled in America who got married to each other after they lost their respective partners and they were both 60+ and they are really a true example of happily after
      companionship is most important and much needed after the age of 60

    • Bhagi permalink
      March 10, 2012 4:39 pm

      The NGO in Ahmedabad that helps in getting senior citizens married is called “Vina Mulya, Amulya Seva”, meaning “a priceless service without a price”. This service is meant to give people another chance in their sunset years. They conduct a meet, where people from all walks of life congregate to mingle and find a life partner. I guess kids are not comfortable seeing their parents marry again, inheritance or no inheritance.

  5. January 27, 2012 1:02 pm

    Totally agree!!!

  6. February 11, 2012 8:59 am

    Haha…ask me who should die first 🙂
    Everything is immaterial and unintended, unwanted and unnecessary attachment. Why to live with a fear of what will happen when I’ll be alone or he/she will be alone and I won’t be around to take care.

  7. March 26, 2012 10:37 am

    Well ………… i have thought of this often, good to read ur post. However i have a few observations :-
    (a) Though an Indian wife does take care of her husband, there are enough instances of an ailing wife being looked after by her spouse.
    (b) Even if that is not the case, more often than not, the husband is always worried about the welfare of his family after he passes away.
    (c) Should the need arise, both partners should be willing to take care of their spouse.
    I for one would like to see my children well settled and would certainly like to care for my wife, when the time comes, particularly when she is on her death bed.

  8. March 27, 2012 10:33 pm

    In a way it makes sense:)

  9. Jack permalink
    April 17, 2012 1:48 pm

    Anju,

    Visiting after a long time. Read a number of posts. God has created men and women with equal rights and little differing obligations, so no one is special creation. When limit of patience is exceeded there is no alternative but to give a SLAP in any form. I too was shocked at what that learned preacher said. Does it now show his own dirty mind? All cartoonists to be punished for insulting honourable persons like Mamta. All CHAMCHAAs of such leaders for insulting our religious feelings by putting them on pedestal like God. And also the whole lot of us for insulting our own tolerance to accept such deeds. I do not think this could happen that both go off together unless in some accident or suicide pact. It may vary from couple to couple. personally I would ask God for her to go first as she is very emotional while I can take care of myself under adverse situations. I do feel sad and may not be able to bear the loss but need to be practical is important.

    Take care

  10. April 29, 2012 11:55 am

    Hey Anju, there is a surprise for you on my blog. Do visit my blog http://www.blogatcynthia.blogspot.in to unveil the surprise.

  11. Michelle permalink
    August 18, 2012 5:57 pm

    Well, if she dies before him then he will realise the true value of what he had. He should ponder over it until he himself is in the grave. Guilt……..thats all you re left with in the end!

    • UNKNOWN permalink
      December 22, 2012 9:15 pm

      It can be applicable in reverse too

  12. September 26, 2012 12:19 pm

    Dear Anju, Ask me. I can reply to your blog,verbally not in writing. Good thought. Pramod Palekar.

  13. aneesh permalink
    November 23, 2012 1:49 am

    Its a unwanted thought. as u have the freedom to express ur views . we dont know what will happen s in next moment / second . so thought is unwanted to a humanbeing.
    Enjoy the life in full swing and keep all these worries away

  14. Rudra permalink
    December 22, 2012 8:55 pm

    The point, which you mentioned only for successful couples

  15. S.K.Dubey permalink
    April 9, 2013 4:27 pm

    who should die first the wife or the husband?

    Mathematical Formula = Use only for Hindi Name

    1. (No. of Letters in Husbands’ Name + No. of Letters in Wife’s Name) X 2
    2. (No. of Matras in Husbands’ Name + No. of Matras in Wife’s Name) X 4
    3. (Sum of 1st & 2nd above) / 3
    4. Find Reminder
    5. If Reminder is “1” or “0” then Husband will Die first. But if Reminder is “2” then Wife will die first.

    Sample: Ram+Sita
    1. 2+2=4X2=8
    2. 1+2=3X4=12
    3. 8+12=20 / 3 = Reminder = “2”
    Result

    Sita will Die First

    From:

    S. K. Dubey
    Mo: +91- 9310050529, 9213032623
    New Delhi, India

    • viren permalink
      August 29, 2014 1:49 pm

      I think your formula is not correct

    • akash shrivastav permalink
      June 2, 2015 5:22 pm

      sir vinod and rani & sushama and raj me galat bata rhs hi pahale me vinod v dusare me sushama mare hi pr ap ka formula galat bata rha hi

      • SKDUBEY permalink
        June 27, 2015 11:48 am

        Contact me on 9213032623 new delhi, india . because your calculation is wrong. also type your calculation.

  16. April 28, 2013 11:19 am

    A good idea – maybe all wives should stop pampering there husbands and get their husbands to pamper them!!!! 🙂

    • S. K. Dubey permalink
      May 10, 2013 3:12 pm

      Hi Anju Ji,

      Here I have more than 500 name list for the accurate calculation of the above.

  17. July 16, 2013 4:40 pm

    Interesting thought! And one that many couples discuss. It isn’t in our hands so there’s no point deciding – I guess most people would want to be the first one to go although I know couples who fantasised dying simultaneously. Must ask Mr. Dubey the numerologist how that can be arranged.
    I don’t know whether couples should be there to look after each other, or whether the loss is mainly on the level of – who will cook dinner? Isn’t it really about the loss of a life companion, of loneliness and of missing your best friend?

    • S. K. Dubey permalink
      July 27, 2013 3:34 pm

      AS per my view and formulas a few websites have been developed for the same calculation.

      Thanks

  18. August 18, 2014 8:44 am

    every day we experience nothingness in deep sleep state. never imagine the situations after death. death is not the end point and we shall not think of death. fear of death is a death in every moment. it is once in life time. the eternal peaceful event for every living organism,.

  19. Gayathri permalink
    November 1, 2014 2:59 pm

    but i am just 27, i and my husband were very much fond between us;he is also handicapped ,i looked him as my child but why he leaved me and my baby alone and died;

    • SKDUBEY permalink
      June 27, 2015 11:49 am

      Contact me on 9213032623 new delhi, india . because your calculation is wrong. also type your calculation.

  20. Ajay permalink
    May 15, 2016 10:28 am

    NAME: Husband : Jagdish
    Name: Wife: Jamna

    4+3=7X2=14
    2X4 = 8

    Total = 22/3
    Reminder= 1

    According you husband should be died

    But

    Fact is Wife (Jamna) died First

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