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parents vs children — is there a way out?

January 22, 2011

This is neither a pro parents nor anti children post but the issue raised has been in existence since generations. Like the famous war between mother in law and the daughter in law, the differences between the parents and children are there to stay.

Came to know about a real life Baagban/Avataar story

This is not a stray example of life of a senior citizen but these sorts of examples have become part and parcel of our life.

In This particular case ( many senior citizens will identify with this)— retired father in law, sick mother in law , daughter in laws wants  in laws to live separately, sons have already got all the property transferred in their name, and parents complaint “ our children are very rude to us, don’t talk to us, treat us useless liability”

—- so what should the parents do?

Harsh realities like this should be taken as lesson for every one. be it the old parents or the young parents, the present day young generation who are the culprits and also the children of the present day young generation.

I am not casting value judgment on anyone’s behaviour or attitude but just sharing some of my doubts and confusions which are baffling me:

  1. Do the parents give birth to children because they want old age security or whether they want to satisfy their maternal/paternal instincts? ( This reminds me of one dialogue from a movie in which the son says” I didn’t ask you to give me birth, you wanted to satisfy your sexual as well as parental desires, why expect something in return from me, I didn’t ask you to give me a better future, and sacrifice your life. this was your decision, why expect any thing in return from me?”
  2. Should the parents expect any thing from the children? Do they love and slog to give a better future to their children with the expectation that the children will repay them in their old age? Do they treat their children as investment which will reap returns in their old age?
  3. Parents go to any extreme to take care of children, they sacrifice their comforts, sleep, their life, even their young age to give a better future to children and what do they get in return – the 3 I’s – insults, isolation, and insecurities?(Link)
  4. The children these days are very quick in making their parents aware of their responsibilities but what about the duties of the children? Are the children so selfish that they don’t realize the sacrifices made by the parents for them, or their responsibility towards the ones who gave them a comfortable future? Have the breed of children become selfish and materialistic.
  5. Won’t the present day children become tomorrow’s old parents? Won’t their children learn from their behaviour?
  6. Should the parents become selfish and think about their life only?
  7. Why should the parent save money for the future if it doesn’t give them comfort in their later life?
  8. Won’t it be better if the parents don’t give away their life savings to the children in sudden fit of love for them? Rather they should keep everything with them (be it cash/property/ bank deposits/ shares etc) till their end , such arrangements should be made that in event of death of one of the parent the survival still retains the control over the finances till his/her end thus one of the partner is not left at the mercy of any one and continues maintaining his/her financial independence.
  9. Will it create a more harmonious relation between the parents and children if they live separately thus no interference from any quarter in each other’s life? Each to his own?
  10. Should the senior citizen shift to localities where they have like minded and same age people as their companions ( I don’t mean old age home but a society where the same age people are there to give each other company and take care of each other)(link)
  11. the elderly group should keep themselves occupied in some constructive work so as to maintain their dignity, self esteem and self respect

Can any one suggest any way out of this conflict ?

Can something be done to maintain the love, affection and caring between the parents and children/

Is there a way by which dignity, respect, independence of both the parties is maintained?

 

 

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3 Comments leave one →
  1. Ashutosh Tewari permalink
    January 25, 2011 12:37 pm

    Why a man marry a girl, or a girl fleds her parents house with a lover. Only SEX desire and to fulfil it’s lust.
    Animals do the same. But in return animals do not need protection from parents. Human needs. Male is not so affectional to their produce as mother does. Certainly not to expect a return gift from the produce.
    How the human produced item a boy or a girl is cared off. Still environment makes them deviate from the origin. There is no way out. The product is made pure and protected by infection by alert, things ould be better. Sex desire starts from age 8 and slowly goes on increasing. The Gurukuls were to guard and lookafter, but now sex at every point and children watching silently their parents in sex or friends in sex. Therefore most important in life is sexual behaviour, later turns into family mis behaviour, money and property takes over mental thoughts, thus every Seniour Citizen comes under dark zone. Some have property and money, some do not have. Those who have property are being killed by family members or looters, but the one who has nothing, the state’s responsiblity comes up.
    I have come to conclusion, that NOTHING CAN BE DONE TOWARDS THIS PROBLEM. In 1945 I saw a film “RAM RAJYA”. When Guru Vashisht or I for got the name, heard Ram has asked Sita to get away, he wrote, ” KARAM VIDHI KA LEKH KISI SE PATHS NAHI JAYE, RAJMAHAL KI RANI FIR SE BANOBAS PAYE’
    THE READER MAY LAUGH AT MY VIEW BUT I SAY “It is fate (BHGYA) and Bhagya only, the destiny is superb and it takes to the pont, where one is to go.
    At this time,one can se, fate of Sonia who is making people to dance on her fingers, and the greatest announced economist is dancing

    • Hardeep Marwah permalink
      March 7, 2011 6:30 pm

      I read your article parents vs children , in many case I have seen children leave father and mother both , but in today’s society of modern behavior I have even seen cases were in father is totally ignored by mother, daughter and son , more over the father who was the only son in the family girl got married to him and after 19 yrs of married life and after having one daughter and son suddenly lady feels that this person is not suitable or accepted just because he don’t drink he don’t match up with today’s modern culture , not only this she takes away the entire property of boy , made him to sign divorce paper just because now she loves and want to get merry a boy who once us to call her aunty , not only this the modern daughter supports her mother and unfortunately daughter is an RJ and speak about social causes educating people not to kill girl child , keeping behind all ethics in her own life which called modern society, where there is no love on affection for the relation left, specially for the farther who loved the family and children took all care and pain to give them education with the hope that he will leave this world with happy note but today leaves totally isolated , having no fault of his , all alone spending life in one room just counting days to get it end , what will be that moment when he will find no one around him , its really sad and unfortunate for such good man today he must be cursing him self why did I marry …………..????????????
      can any one educate these modern so called fools to understand the value of love and affection , its really unfortunate if these fools those leave in wrong myth that this bloody culture is called freedom and enjoy of life their end will be worse than any road side dog .. Please help such families suffering from such trauma

  2. Hardeep Marwah permalink
    March 7, 2011 6:26 pm

    I read your article parents vs children , in many case I have seen children leave father and mother both , but in today’s society of modern behavior I have even seen cases were in father is totally ignored by mother, daughter and son , more over the father who was the only son in the family girl got married to him and after 19 yrs of married life and after having one daughter and son suddenly lady feels that this person is not suitable or accepted just because he don’t drink he don’t match up with today’s modern culture , not only this she takes away the entire property of boy , made him to sign divorce paper just because now she loves and want to get merry a boy who once us to call her aunty , not only this the modern daughter supports her mother and unfortunately daughter is an RJ and speak about social causes educating people not to kill girl child , keeping behind all ethics in her own life which called modern society, where there is no love on affection for the relation left, specially for the farther who loved the family and children took all care and pain to give them education with the hope that he will leave this world with happy note but today leaves totally isolated , having no faulty of his , all alone spending life in one room just counting days to get it end , what will be that moment when he will find no one around him , its really sad and unfortunate for such good man today he must be cursing him self why did I marry …………..????????????
    can any one educate these modern so called fools to understand the value of love and affection , its really unfortunate if these fools those leave in wrong myth that this bloody culture is called freedom and enjoy of life their end will be worse than any road side dog .. Please help such families suffering from such trauma

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