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Where should the strong one go to cry?

August 9, 2010

While talking to a group of ladies I realized that in most of the couples only one partner is emotionally strong than the other.

I have yet to come across a couple where both the partners are equally strong both emotionally and psychologically.

Very rarely there will be cases where the partners in a relation will be mutually supportive of each other, or will stand like a wall to other one or face any crisis together without blaming the other partner.

Do such couples who will hold each other’s hand and together fight the certain traumatic incidences in their life only exist in books or dreams? I have yet to come across such an ideal couple in real life.

Otherwise it is generally only one partner be it the husband or wife who will bear the brunt of other partners’ emotional dramas, his fears, apprehensions, his failure to take the responsibility, his emotional let outs.

And a weak person gets the attention of everyone around – relatives, friends or acquaintances. Because of his being emotionally weak he gets everyone’s sympathies and support.

Whereas, the other partner is twice as much stressed as the other one because the strong one is not only facing the crisis but also being blamed for the adverse situation and also getting neglected and sidetracked because of the extra attention being paid to the other one.

Does anyone think about the supposedly strong one or does the weak partner ever think about what the other one must be going through.

The weak partner will go running to the strong one whenever there is any deviation from normal but where should the strong one go?

Doesn’t he feel the need to cry, to share his fears, problems; doesn’t he need some shoulder to lean on?

This reminds me of an old time movie KHAMOSHI  ( Rajesh Khanna, Waheeda Rehman  a very nicely made movie on similar topic).

Someone told just now that “in a relation both partners have to take turns to be strong and weak. One person cannot keep pulling the cart alone”.

The weak person should realize and understand  the needs of the other partner too if the stability of their relation is to be maintained.

or a day may come when the strong one succumbs to the pressure.

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8 Comments leave one →
  1. August 9, 2010 7:45 am

    Something which most strong people reflect yet do not reveal, for their strength is their curse. Superb post.

  2. August 9, 2010 8:30 am

    “in a relationship both partners have to take turns to be strong and weak. One person cannot keep pulling the cart alone”.

    You can name the person 🙂

    We teach people how to treat us. We teach the weaker person I’m there I’ll take care of every thing you just sit back and not worry. Initially it feels good coz’ we are in control but gradually the weaker partner starts taking us for granted and then it becomes our majboori (not a choice anymore).

    I guess resocialization of partner will be the solution. It takes time, effort and patience to change well established patterns. It is uncomfortable for the weaker partner to start taking responsibility and sharing blame. So he/she will throw tantrums, pout or even creat hardships so that you drop the campaign. But stick to your ground be consistent don’t give up, gradually things will change.

    Women’s this emotional labor is unaccounted for in a relationship. Supreme Court can put value on house keeping but not emotional labor. 🙂

    Peace,

    Desi Girl

  3. Anaam permalink
    August 9, 2010 9:09 am

    One attribute of the stronger partener is that they somehow develop something within , apart from the personality, A strong being, which stays put, remains there, and grows. This ‘thing’ is the,’ thing’ where every weak emotion takes refuge. Be it of either partner`s personality.
    One only has to learn to separate personality from the being.

  4. August 9, 2010 6:49 pm

    A stronger partner is immune to smaller stress and they can absorb the shocks where as weaker partner can not, and needs support. There are many couples / partners who are equally strong both emotionally and psychologically.

    • August 9, 2010 9:45 pm

      Supreme Court can put value on house keeping but not emotional labor. 🙂

      what a great thought
      what you have said is absolutely right.
      initially the ego of strong one gets boost up when the other one leans on him and he/she suddenly starts feeling important but then it back fires on the strong one because a stage comes when his feelings/emotions matter no more and he gets entangled in his own created web.

    • August 9, 2010 9:47 pm

      lucky couples — if both compliment each other and are there for each other.but I am sure such lucky ones are very rare.

    • Connie_3D permalink
      September 22, 2013 9:58 am

      No one is ever immune to stress. To say the strong partner is immune is to take away from the strength it takes to persevere, day in and day out, with the continued stress and strains that eats away like a cancer at the psyche. The stronger partner is not fearless and immune, the strong partner is scared but determined to overcome the fear and do what must be done for to them, not to act is the greater danger. And someone must stand up and take the weigh. So, they push through their fear and do what must be done.

      A weaker partner, in many situations, is less that a whole person. The strength they find in their mate keeps them from developing the mental and emotional muscle to overcome life’s ups and downs. The stronger one is not helping the mate when the weaker partner is not allowed to mature and grow. Just as giving in to a child throwing a temper tantrum, giving in to a person and allowing them to bow out of the more difficult task in life, is tantamount not to love, but rather teaches subservience.

      The weaker partner is not helping their mate when they hang like an albatross around their neck and add extra pain and strife to the situation diverting necessary resources and allies to “keep them afloat” and simple expect others to take care of them.

      No one is ever always strong. No one should ever be allowed to be always weak. Ideally, they should stand together and garner strength, one from the other, to overcome. With an ebb and flow that balances each strength against the others weakness, giving and taking and sharing together. But, never, ever, should a partner be allowed to disintegrate into a helpless, blubbering blob of emotional instability with the excuse that the other is immune so they can indulge.

  5. August 9, 2010 11:30 pm

    I beg to differ mam on your views that its always one person in a couple who is weak and other strong at all times…What i have felt that though ratio
    may be uneven but yes both do take turns to face difficulties while pampering other….. it may be 7/10 times for so called “strong person”
    whereas 3/10 times for the weaker person….

    No man is perfect and strong enough to take burden all the time.. he will have his lows too and that time the other partner does come to rescue..

    NB ~ my personal views without any intent of hurting anybody’s feelings

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