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Let us change each other

August 5, 2010

In a meeting yesterday someone joked that    A woman always tries to change the habits of her husband after marriage and then after some time of marriage she complaints,” you are not the same person I married to? You have changed”

And every one laughed at the expense of us, the women.

Then a man got up and argued. Here is the gist of his arguments:

“it is not a laughing matter, this is a fact of life

We all change with due course of time

And when we are in a relation we consciously or unconsciously change as per the desires of our partner. There are times when we resist such change but ultimately every one changes.

But the big question is why we want our partner to change as we want? Do we enter into a relation with the expectation that we will change the person—.

If we are uncomfortable with such a person then why enter into the relation? Especially in cases of love marriage- the couple falls in love with each other because of certain qualities only and they the same people want to change the other?

Why not accept the person as he is?

Why manipulate his life or control his life according to one’s owns wishes?”

He further said (now in favour of all the men), “it is mainly the women who find every act of her husband objectionable. They think that they are more knowledgeable when it comes to managing relations those too family relations.

I felt like saying (Yes! Mr. you are right. We understand the dynamics of family relations much more than what the men know)

He cited his own example ,” when it comes to talking to the inlaws of my daughters I always do it in front of my wife, otherwise she always complaints that I should not have talked like this or I should have made certain comment or I should have just given a monosyllabic answer to a particular question”

I personally feel that there is no harm if a person changes some of his habits or style or his opinion about certain things as per the wishes of the other partner.

After all the compromises, adjustments are the cementing factors of a relation.

If a little bit of change in one’s thinking, opinions, likes or style will ensure harmony, better understanding, stability and of course love in a relation then why not change according to the wish of the other partner.

Yes the change should not be so drastic, dramatic or revolutionary that the person completely changes thus killing his own identity, his self respect and ego.

change is inevitable , it is the essence of life and progress then why resist it.

3 Comments leave one →
  1. August 7, 2010 3:47 am

    well written…yeah its said we see the same as we are.. 🙂

  2. August 7, 2010 9:36 am

    “change is inevitable , it is the essence of life and progress then why resist it.”
    Couldnt agree more. Very well written

  3. August 23, 2010 2:06 am

    My wife and I butt heads over this issue quite regularly. Each of us has to naturally change little things we do to accommodate the other person – that’s what a marriage is about.

    At the same time, we both want to ensure that we don’t change who we are fundamentally. So the main question that arises is like this: Does this change in my behavior have an effect on who I am?

    There’s no easy line to draw. And the problem is made worse when one person’s demands for change are much greater than the other’s. Then it’s unfair because one person has to put in the effort to change while they themselves are accommodating.

    It’s so tough to figure all this out and there isn’t any set formula. Just have to play it by ear…

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