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Over pampered children make egoistic parents/partners????????

June 14, 2010

 It’s neither a hypothesis for a research nor the conclusion of one but purely a result of my observations.

Most of the time we the parents, pamper our children beyond any limits, we go out of our way to do things for them, our heart literally bleeds if our child has to do some work. There are mothers who won’t allow their sons to even lfetch a glass of water.

A child who is pampered (read over) in his growing up days, whose all whims and fancies are catered to, who is used to having his own way, who is made to feel special by his parents may become an adult who is an egoistic, attentions seeking and difficult to adjust with situation types.

Such children becomes adults who are mostly stubborn ,attentions seekers and un coopeartive.

As he/she is used to doing things his way, he/she will find it difficult to compromise and deal with various ups and downs of life and deal with various issues of life rationally.

When such a child grows up into an adult and dons the role of a parent he surely is going to pamper his children the same way as he was done and he will do all those things which he had seen during his process of blossoming into adulthood.

But the real problem occurs when there is a conflict between him (a over pampered child of past) and his over pampered child as both of them wants to have their own way.

Same is the case when he has to deal with is life partner.

If both of them have been pampered and sheltered by their respective parents then both will try to mould the other as per his/her style which in turn will lead to misunderstandings, conflicts, arguments and finally breakups.

The adult who has always been made to feel important and extra special finds it extremely difficult to take a back seat or on the receiving end of criticism as most of the parents treat their children as if the sun rises and sets with the children only and the child has never encountered any criticism.

such children have not only face problems in their marital life, with their children but also in their other social as well as work relations

Moral of the story—- pamper your children but don’t go overboard. Teach them words like adjustments, compromise and giving in. teach them that they are not right always, there are others who could be better than them

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23 Comments leave one →
  1. June 14, 2010 4:52 pm

    It is a good reading material.
    It is always the mother on the spot who knows under what circumstances is she bringing up the child.We don’t know about individual compulsions.

  2. June 14, 2010 4:58 pm

    so true. i had a roomie sometime back, whose parents had spoiled him beyond correction. I pity his wife now.

  3. Jack permalink
    June 14, 2010 7:02 pm

    Anju,

    Very true observations and sensible suggestions. It is a fact that most of the parents do spoil their children with love without inculcating right values. And then when they are ignored in their old age they blame the children so spoilt.

    Take care

  4. June 14, 2010 9:52 pm

    My opinion is that pampering is ‘Love’ shown in many ways. There are people who believe that sparing the rod is spoiling the child. It isn’t true. Pampering is gently teaching a kid that ‘I respect your needs and choices in life, so u r given the freedom to be who you are and special privileges’. It makes a child believe in itself that when it grows up, it will respect the choices of others and step out of the way to give others what has been received. The gifts of unconditional love. Of course serious flaws has to be corrected with firmness to ensure that it is not repeated again.

    Going overboard with strictness and criticism leaves scars, injuries and traumas that could never ever be healed later on in life. He/She becomes a rebel and does all the things that you have mentioned in your post. Death by chocolate is good than by cyanide. Mistreatment of their own children results in suicidal thoughts/addictions at a distant period. But the cause runs deep and could be traced the way that child was handled in its formative years.

    So please pamper your child today and lavish appreciation on him/her. You could be missing something when you grow older. This could happen……

    Thanks for the nice post!

  5. June 15, 2010 12:19 pm

    Great observations and findings.

    As you said children should not be over pampered, there should be a limitation, but that doesn’t mean the parents should be strict. It should be a blend.

    ARJUN MS

    INDIA

  6. June 15, 2010 9:49 pm

    nice observation. The best thing is that you took time to write it down. I love to make such psych observations too. But cn never gather enuf courage to write it down.

  7. June 17, 2010 9:47 am

    Its a parent’s dilemma! Something that I can really identify with. Pampering can be really bad, neglect can be worse. I think as parents, we need to find a middle path. The disadvantages of the middle path is that the children tend to get confused. Such a parent would be described as one having a split personality. 🙂

  8. June 17, 2010 10:22 pm

    There is some truth in this. However, some turn out fine human beings too. There is nothing wrong in pampering your child but the most important thing is to teach them empathy. Spoilt children who are taught empathy and have been given guidance in interpersoanl relations will not grow out into obnoxious selfish adults. On the other hand, it is mostly children who are neglected and ill treated who turn out to be psychopathic or sociopathic adults. I have seen too many such adults who were never pampered or given any attention. They are the real selfish ones sometimes whereas someone who has had enough attention in childhood is also secure and able to return feelings.

  9. Sundararajan permalink
    June 18, 2010 2:37 pm

    It is all in the upbringing of children. Sure, parents have the full responsibility. But the pity is most of the parents need real counselling in this regard. How one can teach if one did not have the opportunity to learn?

    a href=”http://www.workathomeforum.in”> Work At Home In India </a

  10. June 22, 2010 5:37 pm

    Well, I initially believed that there’s nothing wrong in saying ‘yes’ to all of a child’s desires. But, I later realized that I was wrong.

    Over-pampered children probably don’t learn the lessons and importance of adjustments and compromises.

    A to-the-point and nice post 🙂

  11. June 27, 2010 12:00 am

    What you say is very true. Indian parents usually spoil their sons. The better school, the better clothes, a better education, relaxed rules…are for the son. Is there a link between this and how some men relate to women?

  12. Safiya permalink
    June 25, 2011 10:38 pm

    Thanks, its really nice post. parents who don’t pampered their children, it doesn’t mean they don’t love them. true values should be given a child to become a good human & for their better future.

  13. catherine cullen permalink
    May 10, 2012 7:24 am

    wow…! its was very nice to read it and i do agree that too much pampering children is not good though i’m myself a pampered girl… but being pampered is much fun where you can have your way most of the time and sometimes it fails but truly you get whatever you want but i don’t cross my limits.but in here in america there are too many pampered girls feel vry lucky to be one of them

  14. Egosrus permalink
    May 15, 2012 1:00 am

    From my own observations …… I find that “we” have “pampered and coddled” to such a degree that narcissistic personality disorders seem to dangerously rate higher in our communities …

  15. Michelle permalink
    August 18, 2012 5:53 pm

    I totally agreeeeeeeeeeeeee…..this kinda husband is really difficult to please and in turn makes his own self unhappy.

  16. Samantha permalink
    September 3, 2013 6:13 pm

    I knew there was something off about my fiance. I suspected it had something to do with his upbringing but never something so simple as pampering. Saddest of all I see his mother (my future mother-in-law) doing the same to his first daughter from another relationship. We have a 5month old girl together as well and now I monitor that it doesn’t happen a third time!!!

  17. ankit permalink
    July 29, 2014 7:01 pm

    I feel what is written above is cent per cent true, I am a guy with a lower middle class family in India and my parents never pampered me for any thing, i don’t feel that parents pamper boys more , i fell its equal for both genders. Right now i am on that point in life where my GF ended to be the most pampered kid of her family because she is the only girl in her Punjabi family, pampered so much to the core the she gets gifts in the terms of money on every other occasion and that too more than 10K or 20 K and sometime foreign trips and jewelry and phones and what not, she expect me also to do all that. I cant afford in my salary all this, I am just a software engineer, and I have to support my family also. whenever I don’t do things for here she starts fighting with me for every single thing even for cakes and ice creams she never understands any thing at all. I dint know how here parents treated her, now when I try to make her realize the true life then she calls me looser and treats me like a servant, if I don’t do things she just fights and gets angry and abuses and if I try to leave her then she says that i have made here a psycho person and she starts guilt tripping me and says that she will die and she will not live any more and she act totally stupid, start drinking and start doing foolish things. I don’t know what to do where to go how to make here understand that i cant be a servant of an overly pampered kid when my life is not the same, i have earned every single penny with shear hard work and i have to take care of many people in my life, for her i am just her pillow to pamper her, a person who can just give her expensive gifts, take her to nice and costly places now she want to me to get a car just because its rainy season and she wants to roam around ….. I m trying hard to get away from her ….but she is not letting me go… i know u people will say that i always have option and its my mistake…but some will understand what most of the classic pampered girls do and why m feeling and saying so….

    • Agni Basu permalink
      August 27, 2014 10:17 am

      Hi Ankit,

      I don’t want to say I feel sympathy for you, as a online friend, I wanna say that, I can empathize for you, as I have been there and faced similar issues in life. Like you, I have been a person believing in sheer hard work, discipline and believed in the truth as “simple living, high thinking”. But, trust me, people nowadays, not offending your girlfriend in any way, are like your girlfriend. I too had one just like that, but had the courage enough to get rid of her, when things were starting to get out of control. So, believe in yourself, do not allow her to screw with your mind, just let her go, I am sure, you would find somebody suitable with your personality and life’s vocations. Relax brother. Hope everything gets well with you. Hope for the best, man. And believe. The sun will shine someday, just believe.

      Regards,

      Agni Basu

  18. September 22, 2014 3:39 pm

    Heya just wanted to give you a brief heads up and let you know a few of the images aren’t
    loading correctly. I’m not sure why but I think its a linking issue.
    I’ve tried it in two different browsers and both show the same outcome.

  19. Divya permalink
    July 4, 2016 2:58 pm

    Hello
    Your article is good. But still I feel compromising is not a way of living. Psychology says that compromise leads to suppression and it’s true. I have seen in my family that many people many wives they compromised their lives but at the end they are frustrated. According to me life should be lived in understanding. Asking yourself why of each and every activity. Otherwise solid foundation could not be built. and regarding adjustment it is fine but adjusting in a mad house where people are doing without even realizing what they are doing is foolishness. As you took the name of kanya daan.

  20. January 17, 2017 2:55 pm

    どうも~近藤 と言います 。このコンテンツすごく
    格好よい ですね。何となく 訪問しただけなんですけど勉強になります 。ワクワクします。
    ところで、わたしはなかなか結婚できない独身 の男性のためにコンカツ アプリ を組織してます。
    その中から一押しのコン活 サービス をお披露目することがあります。
    巷では色々なタイプのコンカツ サービス があるんですよ。例えば離婚した人 の女性のための婚活 アプリ や子づれ の年配のための結婚活動
    サービス 。他には若者 向けのものであったり、逆に老人 向けのサービスであったりです。
    でも一番多いの は20代 の男性 ですね。びっくりですか?
    わたくし のアンケート調査 ではそういう最終報告 が報告されています
    。結婚活動 サービスはコストもまちまち でお金は不要 で利用できるものから結構 高額な 年会費のものまで色々 です。
    また、すでに幸せな結婚をされた高齢者にインタビューして はじめての出会い や結婚の告白 がどんな感じだったかをサイト で書いています。
    かなり胸が熱くなる お話や常識では計り知れない ご縁の話、心臓がバクバクする体験もあってとても興味深いです。
    暇な時は ぜひ 私のサイト をチェックしてね。
    ではこれからも可愛い ブログを楽しみにしています!お待ちしてます。では!

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  1. Indian writers with best articles on their blog
  2. 2010 in review « Awakening

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