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May 5, 2010

I was called a hypocrite yesterday which hurt me tremendously.

But after wards when I went into introspection and analyzed my behavior, my attitude and my thinking and one particular incident which happened yesterday night, I realized that Yes I am indeed a hypocrite rather one of the biggest hypocrites.

I am a hypocrite because although I raise my voice against corruption, I comment on people who bribe the traffic police by paying Rs 100-200 but when I am faced in the same situation I also follow the same path of getting away from the scene by offering the same 100- 200 Rs .

I am a hypocrite because although I often say that one should do what one feels like, one should not get perturbed when people pass comments but then I being a member of the same society, I get tensed over the comments of the people; and I also worry about “what others will say”

I am a hypocrite because although I appreciate the discipline and patience shown by people in other countries but when it comes to a situation where I have to stand in a long queue then I look for ways to break the queue and enter it somewhere in the middle, or I look for some familiar face to join him in the queue.

I am a hypocrite because although I want others to stand up to exploitation, raise their voice against injustice, but I myself don’t have the courage and strength to fight against the same issues.

I am a hypocrite because although I advice others that they should not pressurize their children in the matters of career but I do the same when it comes to my children.

I am a hypocrite because although I often say that one should not bring back what has happened in the past. one should not fight over the issues which have become history. But I also do the same. suddenly when  I am reminded of something that had happened in the past and which had hurt me I often make it a issue of present once again.

And I am the biggest hypocrite because although I talk, write and express my views about domestic violence, status of woman, issues concerning women, exploitation of women etc but am I brave enough to fight for someone who is the victim of such injustice?

Because if I had the guts I should have helped the highly educated, pampered and only daughter of well to do parents with a married life of only one year and  who had brought sufficient dowry and who was being harassed by her mother in law and her husband.

Why I couldn’t do anything when she called me in the middle of night to complain about her husband who had tried to raise his hand on her, why did I ask her to calm down and go back to her house, why did I try to pacify her by passing her problems as teething problems of any marriage and difference in personalities?

But am I the only one?

with no offence meant and no fingers raised against any one in particular all those people who write about women issues, who talk about gender biased society, who are very passionate about the exploitation and injustice meted out the women will they actually come out and help someone who comes to their door for help.? What would they do if they are asked not to interfere in someone’s married and personal life?

We write blogs, we write articles; we have lengthy discussions but to what avail? The problems still persists. Except for giving lip service what support do we offer to such victims?

Are we all not hypocrites?

25 Comments leave one →
  1. May 5, 2010 3:07 pm

    yes, indeed… we are all hypocrites

  2. May 5, 2010 3:24 pm

    Yes we are…long back i wrote foll about Gay ppl (on which you have commented as well)

    “I think at some point or other we all are moral hypocrites. Nobody wants to see their darker side in the mirror, we all love the comfort of mask that we are wearing, isn’t?. We all follow the double standard ….na??”

    But most of us will never accept it.

  3. SUFFIX permalink
    May 5, 2010 4:09 pm

    you are right, I always try my best to a level, then give up, sometimes its difficult to walk the talk!!

  4. May 5, 2010 4:35 pm

    Yes, every one is a hypocrite , only it varies from person to person. It is easy to preach but very difficult to practice. But having that much awareness, even if we sincerely try not to be hypocrite at all the places all the time is enough.

  5. May 5, 2010 6:26 pm

    I know it is hard to accept but I think at some level or another we all are hypocrites. In an idea world, we wouldn’t express our opinions about issues we cannot take a stand on, but it is not an ideal world. That said, I am sure if you saw your daughter going through what the DIL in your post is going through, you would have stood up for her. No?

    • May 5, 2010 11:06 pm

      yeah i would have stood up to my daughter. but in this case the DIL in question was a stranger whom i met just once or twice. and i really felt that as a complete stranger do I have any right to interfere in their matrimonial tiff and that too over a phone.
      although I am feeling very guilty for not helping her.

      • May 7, 2010 10:54 pm

        It is a very sticky situation when you know a girl is being ill treated but you dont know the family well enough to interfere. I would say dont think about it too much. If this happens again call the police anonymously.

  6. May 5, 2010 7:09 pm

    Four years back in kerala a girl in 8th grade had more guts than any of us combined

    Her name is remya, she saved her neighbor, a 3 year old girl from female infanticide ordered by the infant’s father. Abandoned by her father long ago remya and her mother works to feed a family of 7 including her grandmother, great grandmother two younger siblings and the kid she rescued named surya

    My point being some times higher education and all this awareness bug stops people from doing the right thing or from doing what the heart tells you to do.

    The article is in Malayalam, i tried to paste the link here but its not working, will send the link to any one who wants to see the photo of the savior and the saved.

    • May 5, 2010 11:11 pm

      hats off to Remya
      and you are right education has nothing to do with gearing up the guts and courage.
      at times a decision taken on the spur of moment carries more weight than the one taken after thorough planning

  7. May 5, 2010 8:31 pm

    well i guess everyone is hypo-critic
    its only the level to which we practice it… some people are very ideal… but most of us get tempted to break what we preach…. its a matter of overcoming that temptation which is not so easy indeed….

    • May 5, 2010 11:12 pm

      even the great saints and sadhus are unable to steer away from temptation . then who are we? common human beings

  8. May 5, 2010 8:46 pm

    Yes we are hypocrites. We talk but we dont act, but is that enough.
    I liked your guts to accept ur negatives in public, very few of us have the guts to do that

  9. May 5, 2010 11:14 pm

    thanx for appreciating my acceptance of my weakness
    but I do feel guilty for not being of any help to that girl in distress

  10. May 6, 2010 9:48 am

    We are all hypocrites because the social structure is now so designed.
    Unless each one of us gets involved and actually take the system headon, nothing will change.

  11. May 6, 2010 11:01 am

    It is not easy to stand up and protest against injustice and if you do, you become the person who is accused of disturbing the harmony of the family/society. Most often than not, our priorities at any given moment, defines our reaction to an occurrence. That does not make you a hypocrite…everyone tries to live life on his own terms but are forced by circumstances to pick a reaction that is least harmful to his life/comfort.
    Helping others is a chance that comes rarely in life…and if it does come, your help to that particular request was made possible by factors beyond your control…does that sound like destiny?…Maybe it is, but I wouldn’t like to give it a name. Funny but in my 50 years on earth, there are very few things that I made happen. Things just happen and you flow with the tide.

  12. May 6, 2010 11:53 am

    we all r hypocrites…

  13. May 6, 2010 12:40 pm

    When I read the post what came first to mind was to appreciate you, people dont accept the mistake they commit in their life, but here you have come forward and accepted your mistake. You are really a role model to our generation.


  14. May 6, 2010 4:26 pm

    I have wondered about this many times… mostly at nights, when I review all that has happened during the day… we are all – hypocrites in our own ways… I guess it’s just human nature… it’s ingrained in us… right from the time we are kids, we see hypocrisy in our daily lives, we get conditioned and it becomes apart of us, so much so, that we do not realize that we have become hypocrites like the rest, until some incident really shakes the cobwebs from our eyes.

  15. May 6, 2010 9:44 pm


    Hard hitting post..I agree with most of the people, we all are hypocrites at some point or other.
    We always think that if we won’t act on something, somebody else will. But its always forgotten that charity begins at home, if somebody has to act, it is us. Nice post, it made look inside myself and ask some questions.

  16. May 6, 2010 9:59 pm

    Yah we all are pretenders 😦 ….

  17. May 8, 2010 11:28 am

    Anju I do not think you are a hypocrite. Nor am I. When we right about an issue – we write our honest opinions (I am sure you do the same) – we write how we truthfully feel about it. I feel the biggest thing these kind of blogs do is they show a victim that she is not wrong in feeling anger or resentment if she is being treated cruelly. When a victim knows she is justified in feeling anger or resentment – she would not feel guilty. When we know we are right we gain strength. Domestic Violence is a complicated issue.
    The example you gave – did you tell her it was normal for a man to try to raise his hand? She should know that it is not. I can understand your hesitation in helping someone whose family you know – but if she called you she must have trusted you.

    I feel age gives us the power (because of the way our society blindly respects age) to make a difference – you could tell her parents that their daughter seemed upset. You could advice them to call her home for a while. You could tell them how weak parents have unhappy daughters, and they need not be aggressive but being assertive today would ensure a happy life for their daughter. You can even tell them that bad things do not happen only to other people.

    If you were a hypocrite you wouldn’t write this thought provoking post. You made me wonder if I was a hypocrite and I don’t think I am one. I feel I would do whatever I can and I accept that there are limitations to what I can do. One thing I know is that if I know I am right, I don’t care about public opinion and that has been a blessing. I have helped victims of Domestic Violence – but achieved nothing, they refused to leave until in one case the man divorced her when he lost his job after an affair with a colleague. In another case when I last heard of them, they were still together (I blogged about it) and he was beating her worst than ever – in front of her family. In another case – the mother took the daughter to a lawyer and they together warned the husband, and he has not been violent since then. I was only a listener and at the most provided moral support.

    There are other women, older and some who I really look up to – I make sure I support them when they are involved in such things . I feel there is strength in numbers…

    One of the saddest things in cases of Domestic Violence is that the victim is rarely ready to walk out – they invariably keep hoping things would work out. I feel maybe we can’t solve her problems – we can let her help her see them objectively.

  18. May 13, 2010 11:14 am

    well, it does sound like you’re a hypocrite.

    but, don’t fret. most are like you – they will pay lip service but won’t do anything concrete.

    “do as i say, not as i do” 🙂

  19. May 14, 2010 7:17 pm

    Came here from another blog on Indivine. That was a thought provoking and candid post! We are all hypocrites in one way or the other. what makes the difference is that we are aware of it and try to do something about it.

    Do visit me at

  20. LMJ permalink
    May 29, 2010 10:09 am

    very pertinent examples madam
    there is no doubt that all the hypocrites…….but the question is when someone pays 100 to escape being challaned, how much did u condemn that person? and when u were in the same position, how much embarrased were u with ur action

    inspite of the shame, we do repeat such an action

    i want to meet a person who is not a hypocrite

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