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Expectations – the killer of relationship

April 25, 2010

It’s a fact. If one wants to kill any relation, destroy the bond between two people just start expecting from each other and there goes the love and affection leaving behind the residue of unhappiness, disharmony and discontentment.

Expectations are very natural and inevitable in any relation.

Between parents and children expectations doesn’t lead to many issues ( provided every thing is going smoothly).Parents expect their children to respect them, to obey them, to make a life of theirs, children expects parents to love them, take care of them, provide for them, support them. And most of the time these expectations take the shape of reality.

Expectations are there when we post something in our blog. We expect fellow bloggers to read our views and share their comments.

Expectations are there with the politicians, with the Government ,even with God.

Expectations create havoc in lives when it is between husband and wife, married brothers and sisters, between daughter in laws and her relatives from the inlaws side.

“You forgot my birthday”, “I expected you to present me a gift—- “ “ I expected you to take a holiday when I was sick” , “ I expected you to call me after every few hours”

“I expected you to take care of my family”, “I expected you to be there when I needed you”, “I expected you to bring up the children properly, “I expected you to take me out for an outing every holiday” so on and so forth. The list is unending

And when these expectations are not fulfilled by the person from whom we expect then it leads to arguments, fights discontentment finally resulting in breakdown of relation.

Both the parties carry the burden of non fulfillment of their desires by other person throughout the life, unnecessary giving tension and disillusionment, rent free accommodation in their life and mind and thus jeopardizing the chances of a happy life.

Amongst the siblings, especially after the marriage expectations often leads to sibling disharmony, strangeness, jealousy and distances in hearts.

Between marital couples it results in continuous nagging, harassment, arguments ending in mudslinging at each other.

The person expecting from other should also realize that the other person would also expect the same from the first person

To expect is a two way process. If one wants his expectations to be realized then he should also be prepared to come up to the desires of the other person (which is generally not there).

I often wonder why we can’t carry on a relation without expecting anything from the other person? No expectation no chances of any heart break

Take each day each moment as it comes.

If unexpectedly we are blessed with some thing which gives us happiness, full fills our dreams we are definitely on cloud nine but if there is nothing then no loss no gain.

But then we are human beings. Although I have written a long post on not expecting anything from anyone but deep in my heart even I expect some comments , some discussions on it.

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16 Comments leave one →
  1. April 25, 2010 1:13 pm

    Hi Anju,

    Well written, you beat me to writing this one now what will i write?

    I follow the policy of not expecting so surprises are abundant

  2. April 25, 2010 1:41 pm

    Yes its expectations only which give us the maximum disappointments. But living without expecting is also difficult.
    Very well written

  3. April 25, 2010 2:31 pm

    If we stop expecting there will be no basis for a relationship…it is completely natural for us to start expecting the moment we form contacts.

    We don’t expect anything only from strangers or from people who do not matter to us.

  4. April 25, 2010 4:30 pm

    A very good article but alas, marred by your last para contradicting everything written about!

  5. April 25, 2010 4:34 pm

    How can we against nature?We all are selfish without exception.
    When we offer Prasad in the temple, we expect quick results and do get angry if our prayers are not answered in return to the Prasad.
    It can not change.

  6. April 26, 2010 12:55 am

    human life starts with Expectations and ends with the expectations
    nice article.

  7. April 26, 2010 3:35 pm

    Yes it is very true that expectations bring bitterness in relations now and then when not fulfilled. It is normal human behavior to expect your loved ones to give you back all that you have given them, if not all, to some extent for sure. There is also the case of being taken for granted by a loved one. So a fair amount of expectation is healthy i guess, but expecting too much would certainly be leading to disappointment.

  8. April 26, 2010 9:38 pm

    I agree with LP…I think only in random friendships where you are just happy to see someone in a kind of ‘I talk to you when I talk to you’ kind of manner is there no expectations…When you start giving someone importance in your life, then you cannot keep the e- word out…You expect, you give, you care, you seek…That’s what makes it all worth it, right? How uninvolved will you be if you do not expect the love you shower returned? I’m as big on taking as on giving…and I think it’s the sweet part of life…the right to expect with the will to give..:) i enjoyed your piece a lot..:)

  9. Nishant Singh permalink
    April 27, 2010 11:14 am

    Looks like e-word is the new f-word..everyone says it but not many like it!
    Expectations create unnecessary burdens between friends, lovers, colleagues etc etc etc… Though the bright side to expectations is that when the wish is fulfilled the joy one gets knows no bounds but that doesn’t happen everytime which is when we feel disappointed and dejected.
    A lot of discussions can be done on this topic but the fact is that it is in our nature to expect and most of us can never really be in a relationship without any expectations!

  10. sachinarya permalink
    April 27, 2010 12:42 pm

    Hi Anju,

    I agree with LP and disagree with the notion of not expecting in a relationship. All relationship are based on expectations. Without expectations, it is as good as living a life of a saint.

    Problem is not with expectations. Its with how and when you communicate. Also, as LP rightly mentioned you only don’t expect anything from a stranger, which tells us that before expecting, we need to do our due-diligence.

    You might want to let go of some expectations in order to not put undue pressure on the other person. They might be justified expectations also. Something like giving space to your partner. Adjustment, Sacrifice etc. are all there to keep expectations in check.

    But no expectation in a relationship – can’t perceive.

    Cheers,
    Sachin

  11. April 28, 2010 10:08 am

    NICE POST 🙂

    you explained the root of almost all problems in one article 🙂

    THANKS A LOT 🙂

    In Geeta granth

    ” kaamna poorti me badha aane par krodh ka uttpann hota hai ”

    one scholar said

    “Anger always comes from frustrated expectations”

    one more

    “The best things in life are unexpected – because there were no expectations.”

  12. Azahar permalink
    April 28, 2010 11:42 am

    That’s why I insist on ‘love me as I am and not as what you want me to be…’

  13. April 28, 2010 3:04 pm

    heloo…hru….
    nice post…analysed the expectation factor very well….but expecting few things frm sm1 is very obvious and is the basis of longivity in the relationship/.//// one who doesnt expect is nt keen on having any relationship…isnt it???

  14. April 29, 2010 11:34 pm

    well written 🙂 well i had a query.. im a budding blogger on wordpress. i love to write, can u pls tell me how do you post up pics on your blog in wordpress? kindly let me know, thankig you in advance 🙂

  15. May 3, 2010 12:47 am

    Well said… that is why I believe in — ” Accept …don’t expect”. It makes life that much more simpler. And simplicity translates to happiness 🙂

  16. Crystal permalink
    September 4, 2013 7:49 pm

    Love is a fine balance of expectations and acceptance. Ideally we would be selfless and giving, but that is not the true nature of the majority of people. What we view as giving may be overlooked by the one recieving it. What they view as giving might be overlooked by us. Communication without accusation is about the only way to meet in the middle.

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