Should parents draw a propriety line when dealing with grown up children?.
It is often said that when daughter reaches the mother’s shoulder and son starts wearing father’s shoes then the parents should become more like a friend to the child than a parent.
But should there be a limit for being friendly with the growing/grown up children?
Should parents draw a line of decorum at some stage least they both cross the decency level ( read aankh ki sharam)?
Long time back I had gone to see Masti movie with my son who was just 10-11 years old at that time. The movie was full of double meaning dialogues. I was enjoying and normally watching the movie when suddenly my 11 year old turned to me and said,” Mummy are you able to understand the dialogues, they are all double meaning ones. Or do you want me to explain them to you” I was just stunned. I could not believe my ears. My child was aware of double meaning words! During my childhood days ( I know I sound like an oldie—someone from the other generation—here goes all my claims of able to bridge the generation gap) we were definitely not aware of all this stuff. After his offer to help me understand the movie I just could not concentrate on the movie. I was feeling so self conscious even after the movie ended.
Time passed and then a time came when my son started forwarding non veg msgs from my phone to his phone. And when I tried to stop him he very smartly answered, “ arre I have even worst msgs then what you have. Do you want me to send them to you?” but he did not forward any of his msgs to me and when I asked he sheepishly replied,” there should be some limit between mother and child. I feel ashamed to send such sms to you”. Didn’t he realize that even I feel the same when he reads my msgs.
My husband gets very panicky when my son who is now 21 years old ,even if just touches his cell phone. He just fears that if the son will by chance open his inbox and read the messages, then what his son will think of him—my dad reads such dirty smses? To which my son gives the same reply, “papa I have dirtier msgs then what you have. I am a grown up boy.” although my son never opens the inbox but even then my husband gets agitated.
This incidence again happened today (it is almost a weekly issue) which led me to share my confusions.
If we think that a grown up son or daughter should be treated like an adult individual then should the parents cross all the limits of decorum/morality and discuss and share everything with the child or should a line be drawn where both should stop and say, “Now no more encroaching. Let there be certain matters between us which should not be aired even though we are friends?”
I suppose it is easy for girls to discuss everything with their mothers but a little difficult for the sons to open up with either of the parents.
There is nothing wrong if the child turns to parents for help or to discuss sexual matters/problem. Rather parents should make it a point to make the child aware of the facts of life, impart sex education, clear all their doubts but with a scientific approach, with the same attitude like they teach their children other things of life but I personally don’t approve of sharing of non veg jokes, or pornographic stuff with the children and laughing on them.
I don’t mind what one of my college friends, a thorough flirt used to say, “I will have special sessions with my children when they grow up. I will teach all the techniques of flirting to my son and will teach my daughter how to recognize the modus operandi of boys and how to avoid it. 🙂
But I have my reservations if he starts sharing the intimate relations which he had with his girl friends.
Do I sound old fashioned or from some other century?
What do you think about it?