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Will following some rituals guarantee a happy married life?

March 21, 2010

Three cheers for Paromita Pal. I endorse what she did. Why should a woman go through such rituals?

In one community of South Indians the bride is supposed to touch the feet of her husband at the time of marriage.  Geeta a MBA got married to her colleague another MBA (both from South India) at the time of marriage she was asked to touch the feet of her husband, which she refused to do. Her reasons, “why should I touch his feet? Educationally we are at par. Income wise we are at Par even age wise we are of the same age just because he is my husband he doesn’t become superior.” This obviously created a furor in both the families more so in the boy’s family. But the groom stood up to his wife and went ahead with the marriage without this particular ritual.

In Indian mythology husband is treated as Pati Parmeshwar (GOD) but what qualifies him to become a GOD or to be treated as GOD?

When we talk of GOD we mean someone whom we can look upon, who is there to take care of us, to whom we can turn to in times of crisis, who is just above all the human weaknesses and faults. GOD to me is perfection. (I don’t want to offend any one’s religious sentiments but certain acts of certain GODS don’t convince me or justifies their Godliness. this is beside the point)

So much importance is given to celebrations and fasting on Karwa Chouth, Vat Purnima, Teej etc for the long life of husband and children. But does it really help?

Karwa Chouth is kept for the long life of husband then why did one of my acquaintances lost her husband on the very next day of Karwa Chouth?

And why should the wife only pray for the husband? Shouldn’t the husband be also praying for his wife or for that matter should the children not pray for their parent’s long life and welfare?

Do the husband and children respect their wives or mother more for this? Do they feel grateful to the lady for sacrificing on their behalf?

In many cases the couple is at logger heads with each other, they are always arguing, insulting, calling each other names in other words their matrimonial life is just a farce even in such cases the wives keep the fast for the husband. Isn’t it like making mockery of our culture?

I don’t want to hurt the sentiments of any one by talking against Karwa Chouth or other festivals which are observed for the long life of children or husband. But I just wonder whether observing fast on these days really helps?

The modern day husbands of course accompany their wives by keeping the fast along with her thus proving that they also care for her.

The other day my maid servant while conversing informed me that her husband expects her to press his feet daily because he has had a tiring day. ( as if she just lazes around. Even she works the whole day. But no, it is the prerogative of the husband to expect this from the wife)

What infuriated me was the mother in law’s attitude – Husband is like GOD, doing his seva is like doing Prabhu Puja .

Will the husband ever press his wives’ feet or head when she is not well?

No, Most of the husbands will consider it below their dignity to do such jobs.

Nothing wrong in celebrating the rituals, or following them – they are our rich heritage and our culture which we have to pass on to our children but why do something just for the sake of doing?

Moreoever why can’t we stop treating husband’s like Parmeshwar and treat him like any other fellow human being?

Ritual is rarely practical. This is why it conflicts with the New Woman. It’s not ritual that ensures a marriage lasts a lifetime, it is mutual respect and love, which needs to be in a safe harbour to keep the great ship of wedding afloat.

14 Comments leave one →
  1. March 22, 2010 9:05 am

    Totally agree with you!! a lot of our rituals made sense when they were initially started..times have changed but religion hasn’t..

  2. March 22, 2010 2:31 pm

    Rituals are rarely practical, that is correct. But they are just rituals after all. In Bihar, during marriage, the groom has to touch the bride’s feet 7 times (I guess he has to put haldi or something in there, after each phera). People have a lot of fun during that ritual pulling the groom’s leg.

    Basically, what I am saying is that yeah, most of the rituals do not make sense. But is that a big deal. Do we have to be so serious on everything. Lets just have fun with them.

    • poonam permalink
      August 10, 2010 3:20 pm

      hi Anju, You are saying the absolute truth. we have a love marriage and even then i am initially told by my husband that I have to agree with all the customs and services to my new home as i am now married to him because it is the girl who makes all the adjustments. Shocking, more because we know each other from quite a some time. He told that i am expected to do all this and that i am bound to do this as whatever may be the status of girl (educational, financial or etc), a man is always superiorin our society and it is he who runs the house “duniya chalata hain”. Very funny, he does nothing special, not even know how to serve his food or place the empty thali in place after finishing eating and my mother in law used to stand all the time until he finish his food but he used to pay no heed whether his mother or wife has taken the food or not. Superiority !!! Any how I manage not to bow before my husband or my mother in law because i think respect to your loved ones is a must in any relationship. For how long a person can serve any other person and why??? Is he God?? I don’t kept fast either for karva chauth or navratra and now after so many years of my marriage my husband and my mother in law has no problem with this. So girls need to be strong and pl z assertively LEARN TO SAY NO if your conscious and your logical/rational sense says no . bye

  3. March 22, 2010 3:56 pm

    I don’t know why, if you respect your husband, you wouldn’t want to do it; I don’t know why, if your husband respects you, he’d *want* you to do it. And vice versa.

    See how that works?

  4. March 22, 2010 5:23 pm

    These are rituals which have been observed by most of the families in most of the states and perhaps are more rigid in North.
    However,I am of the firm opinion that the scene is undergoing a major change.In few more years,one would not have to observe these rituals as the girls are becoming more educated, taking on professional jobs.
    It is changing and that is what we must discuss

  5. March 23, 2010 12:33 pm

    Rituals are for fun and doing a few things, if they are not there what is the fun in should never take these things so literaly..whether one does or doesnt, if we worship god, then it doesnt mean we wouldnt have any problems in should we stop worshipping?

    • March 28, 2010 6:49 pm

      I agree samvedna but don’t you think we should respect and value our rituals? If we treat them only as fun then aren’t we disrespecting them? A lot of people will not like it if we don’t take rituals seriously, like this girl’s in laws were displeased.

      Why not change them a little to make then a little more meaningful?
      Like Karvachauth is turning into kind of an Indian Valentine’s day, with both the partners fasting for each other (often unmarried partners also). Makes a lot more sense.
      I also make my kids, son and daughter tie Rakhi for each other, because I want them to be there for each other – since now they have equal rights, and we strive to provide equal opportunities, I feel it’s really nice for a brother to know, he has a sibling, who will always be there for him, just like he will be for her. And it’s great for every girl to feel she can take care of herself, her family and her brother too. Because she actually can.
      This way even those sisters who don’t have brothers, (and those boys who have no sisters) won’t feel left out on this festival.
      Do you disagree?

  6. March 24, 2010 1:00 am

    Perfect example of the changing world and the vision around it. I have been reading Dan Brown’s novels and in all books he has quoted women as the supreme being which over the ages has lost the touch/sheen. Perhaps, it’s time women to re-liberate themselves from the various conundrums and fallacies of our crude cultural traditions.

    The question however is how strongly and boldly can men take this change for themselves?

  7. March 24, 2010 2:34 am

    design was made to control the females in olden times.
    still majority females follow them, as very few people dare to explain, ask, and talk

  8. March 24, 2010 4:34 pm

    Agree with all you’ve written 🙂

    I wish the society as a whole grows up a bit faster and gets rid of such crappy things 😐

  9. March 28, 2010 3:49 pm

    Brilliant post Anju!
    I agree, “Moreoever why can’t we stop treating husband’s like Parmeshwar and treat him like any other fellow human being??

    And then we are told, that it’s women who are respected and honored like goddesses in India.
    In fact a recent comment pointed out,
    2)women (should) accept they are humans like us men and not goddesses – Something feminists don’t like in reality.
    And women have been asking to be allowed to be humans, not goddesses all along.

    In India, if a man is like a god, it’s a comfortable life for him (feet pressing and all). If a woman is told she is a goddess then she must sacrifice her happiness. How logical is that?
    I feel all humans must be treated and accepted as what they are – simply as humans.

  10. March 30, 2010 12:52 am

    I am glad that i am not facing it but feel sorry who are going thru it…High time women start showing guts

  11. Suffix permalink
    April 5, 2010 1:02 pm

    We have many rituals just we follow for ‘some’ sake!!


  1. why the women should be the only one to follow these? « Awakening

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