Skip to content

One child syndrome

March 20, 2010

Gone are the days when couples used to have 2, 3 children

These days couples want only one child because they want to give the best of the comforts to their only child. Parents dream of providing the best education, toys, luxuries etc.

With rising prices, ever increasing competition, education getting costlier day by day, new and new avenues open for entertainment etc it is becoming very difficult for the parents to raise up even a single child so question of having more children is just unthinkable.

But there is other side to the coin also. By having only one child—–

Aren’t the parents depriving their children of enjoying the sibling love and sibling care and upto some extent sibling rivalry too?

One child means end of relations like MAMA, CHACHA, MAASI OR BHUVA. These days children are not aware of these relations and one child means he doesn’t have any sibling so his children will not know the above said relations. So, all these relations are getting extinct       from the book of relationships.

How much the parents try to be friends with their children, how much they try to be open with their children  the fact remains that everyone needs someone of his/her own age to share certain secrets of growing up which they just cannot share with their parents. Concepts like generation gap do exist and it is always there. There are times when the child will not feel comfortable with his parents.

To share the fears, doubts, anxieties and apprehensions of growing up years one needs someone who is of the same level as he is.

I for one try to be very friendly with my son ( I even make extra efforts to talk to him about his girlfriends, or friends in general)but there are times when I feel he misses his sister ( who doesn’t stay with us). I have often noticed a subtle withdrawal on his part when it comes to dealing with his emotions. However hard I may try but the age difference and the reservations due to the relation (mother/father and son) is always there.

Having a brother/sister gives an additional emotional support to the other sibling. It gives him/her the assurance that he/she is not alone in this world. At the time of crisis he will have someone close to him to hold his/her hand.

Having a sibling teaches the child concepts like sharing, compromising and adjusting.

One study has shown that only child individuals are more self -centered, more egoistic, more demanding and more stubborn in their other relations because they have always been the recipient of the whole and sole attention, love of their parents.

Today I attended an elocution competition on the topic “The causes of suicides in young students”

Out of all the known and possible causes there were two reasons which made be sit with a bolt.

According to the discussion we had ,one of the reasons which facilitate the incidences of suicides in young students is BEING THE ONLY CHILD.

The only child doesn’t have any one to share his problems and his misgivings. Suppose he had some sibling he would have shared his fears with his brother/sister and they would have helped, supported, counseled and helped the weaker one restore his confidence in himself thus reducing the chances of other think in terms of finishing his life.

By having only one child aren’t the parents only thinking in terms providing only material comforts and materialistic life ( they want to give the best of the physical comforts and facilities to him) where as they are keeping their child away from the emotional and moral cushion which only a sibling can offer.

13 Comments leave one →
  1. March 20, 2010 5:10 pm

    If parents can afford raising two children comfortably, then for sure having two children is a better idea. But keeping in consideration the population in our country, another idea would be – and one which I plan to implement – to adopt one or both the kids. This way the child will not be deprived of sibling love 🙂

    Good thoughts put in words mam 🙂

    I always love your writings.

    • March 21, 2010 3:36 am

      Shivani to adopt a child is a very noble thought. it serves both the purposes. gives a secured and loved environment to a child who is deprived of the nurturnace of parents by no fault of his.
      and ofcourse gives the person adopting the satisfaction and also provides the sibling the love and care of another one
      just one thing not to you but to any one adopting a child let the adopted one ever feel that you have done something very great by adopting a child or make him feel obligated to you .
      all the best for your plans to get fullfilled
      my best wishes with you

  2. Sujata Chawda permalink
    March 21, 2010 2:26 am

    ‘One child vs two’ was something that I deliberated and pondered on for a very long time before I had my second child. My career and the need for my own space played a crucial role in delaying my decision. While discussing the issue with my uncle, who is a gynaecologist, he told me that if i was considering having a second child from my point of view (as a woman) then i should reconsider……but if i was thinking of it from my daughters point of view then i should not waste time.

    It gives me comfort to think that my kids will have each other in this world when my husband ane me are no more around but what scares me are the increasing number of sibling feuds….like the Mukesh – Anil case or the Pramod – Pravin case. But all I can do is hope and pray that the love and bond between the sis-bro duo remains forever.

  3. March 21, 2010 3:38 am

    i always feel blood is thicker than water.
    disputes, feuds, tiffs, disagreements are all part of life
    but I am sure and I hope that in times of crisis , in times of need, during the times when the siblings need the wall of comfort , the other one will always be there.
    we all hope and pray that sibling love always remain there inspite of individual differences.
    Thanx for your comments

  4. shruti permalink
    March 22, 2010 10:59 am

    True Anju, My husband being the only child for his parents and myself having a sibling can see soo muh difference. I thank my parents for this since there is so much bonding b/w us and always found it easier to share with sissy and made/makes my life so easy cos of this….I vote for having more than one child, its a lot different!!!!

  5. March 22, 2010 1:44 pm

    I guess you should thank them for that ..because there is one more concept growing popularity steaply..DINK

    double income no kid.


  6. March 22, 2010 7:35 pm

    I think i understand it much better after having the second child. I have been the only child and i do miss the ability to share my feelings. I have somehow learnt to keep my feelings inside due to not having a sibling to share with. I guess some things only come with experience

  7. March 23, 2010 11:12 pm

    Yikes! Student suicides are due to being the only child? I’m an only child…
    As you have said, parents today have a lot of good reasons for having only one kid. A very well written post! 🙂

  8. March 24, 2010 12:29 am

    I am up for adopting the second one as it was reflected by my blog… I hope god gives me the right opportunity to do justice to one soul.

  9. March 24, 2010 4:51 pm

    Well, in modern times, I wonder if it really makes any difference whether you’ve any cousins or not given that children interact more with friends than with cousins.

    I have two siblings and a lot of cousins but I don’t interact with them, at all, almost. I guess it’s more about feeling comfort level than being blood-relatives 🙂

  10. Dipti permalink
    March 25, 2010 2:05 am

    Its well said! Life has a lot of challenges and it’s hard to justify 1 or 2. I feel its imp to have 2 kids but it’s a big commitment to us and to our kids. I feel families with support (Emotional/Physical/financial) will not think but challenge is for others who are struggling or have other bigger challenges in life. I would leave this decision up to individual families what is best for them. “One life live it to Best!”

  11. manas permalink
    September 16, 2011 12:43 pm

    dear Anju, i am a television producer, i have produced some programmes on this particular issue…when i was searching articles regarding this,i went through this helped me to some extent…thanx …

  12. lezah permalink
    January 28, 2014 5:52 pm

    Hi.. U referred to one study abt the negative impact on the only child, what abt the hundreds of surveys that established the fact that only children grow up more or less the same as kids with siblings? In fact, the only proven statistical difference between only children and children with siblings is that only kids tend to achieve more academically. And just wondered how correct the information abt higher incidences of suicides in only children is. If it was an established statistical fact, then it certainly would be well known. I am an avid reader and do alot of research generally, and this is the first I’m hearing of such a thing.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: