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which is her house???????

March 15, 2010

I read about this incident in one of the weekly magazine.

A married woman with a marriage tenure of 30 years had to hear hundreds of time hear, “leave my house, this is my house. Either do whatever I say else leave my house.  This is my house so the final say is mine” from her husband.

After the death of her husband she had to stay with her son. Now the son tells her, “mother this is my house. Please let me do whatever I want to do”.

This is not a case in isolation.

Thousands of women undergo the same situation.

If after giving 30 years of life to the family and husband, looking after the house, working like a maid, cooking, washing, taking care of the household, bring up the children the women has to hear the words, :” this is my house” from the husband’s house then what is the standing of women even after so much education and liberation?

In the initial stages of married life she gets to hear the same words from her mother in law ( if it’s a joint family) this ——–“.

Then gradually as she starts treating her matrimonial house as her own, comes the bouncers from her husband  — this ——-“

So which is her house?

Will she always stay in someone else’s house?

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13 Comments leave one →
  1. March 15, 2010 2:58 pm

    I hate this way to treating women as if they don’t have any identity of their own. They shouldn’t have to put up with this – in marriage the woman as as much right over the house as her husband. She is the one who puts in much more effort in making the house a “home” , bring up the kids, cooking , cleaning etc. The man spends most of his time outside. Just because he is the bread earner in the family where only 1 person works that being him , it doesn’t give him any right to say so. Also for children they shouldn’t forget the pain she has gone through in bring them up. I think this also applies more to the Indian society than others.

  2. March 15, 2010 11:45 pm

    excellent question
    very thoughtful
    root cause is again upbringing

    • Poornima permalink
      September 30, 2012 12:34 pm

      This shows the male ego and selfishness that still exist in our society!!!

  3. March 16, 2010 6:52 am

    very true….but I never let my husband say this..I always said it is our house, though its different that one has to so many times listen to husband whether one likes it or not..thats the reason today when girls are earning they buy house in joint names.

  4. March 16, 2010 1:09 pm

    Very nice post and so factual.The solution to this is
    1…Education
    2…Economic Independence.
    Until these two aspects are taken care of, there are very low chances for the women to find place.

  5. March 16, 2010 5:58 pm

    A very powerful thought to be pondered upon. Indeed it’s an irony that a women devotes her entire life in making the house a “Home” and finally what she gets is nothing out of it. May be it’s time to re-engage the whole meaning of our culture here. If this is what happens to a women, why not just separate out at the time of marriage and put all your efforts in making a house into what you can call it a home…

    Just a thought!!!

  6. March 17, 2010 3:18 am

    I agreew ith mr bk chowla economic independence is the key solution to this problem

    good post

  7. March 17, 2010 7:19 am

    This is indeed a sad plight..but on a positive note, things are changing these days. Changing for the better. And like Monica rightly puts it..Economic Independence has brought in a change of mind-set.

  8. March 17, 2010 1:36 pm

    This kind of psychological violence on women is common place. The Domestic Violence Act of 2006 seeks to give women protection from being thrown out of their own houses. One of the most important features of this Act : ” The Act provides for the woman’s right to reside in the matrimonial or shared household, whether or not she has any title or rights in the household. This right is secured by a residence order, which is passed by a court. These residence orders cannot be passed against anyone who is a woman.”

    It is very important to raise women to be independent so that they cannot be put in a situation where they are threatened like this.

  9. March 18, 2010 8:46 am

    Economic independence is the solution to this question. Else centuries of parochial beliefs/attitudes and a certain mindset will not change overnight… due to a legislation only.

  10. March 24, 2010 12:32 am

    Good post!

    And again, we often see a married woman staying with her mom where her mom says, ‘Go to your home!

    Which is her home? Does she have any?

  11. October 21, 2010 11:17 pm

    Sad I read the same question 20 years ago in Grihshobha and now I am reading it again on an independent blog. What a shame it means things haven’t changed much.

    Education wont serve the purpose coz’ every other person has at least a B.A.degree here. The right kind of education where men are taught wives are not slaves after marriage house becomes community property that means she has equal right to it.

    Economic independence of women wont solve the problem either coz’ society expects even more from educated women. The first allegation that comes in their share is she is educated, speaks English so how do you expect her to be respectful to in-laws and considerate of our greate culture. As if, her education and economic independence becomes her major handicap with respect to handling culture and traditions.

    The change will only come if we start pumping day in and day out in the heads of men that wives have a eqaul right to what they bring home other than STDs. And telling women that they don’t have to listen to that BS coz’ by law marital home is a community property so no one can throw them out.

    Peace,
    Desi Girl

    • October 23, 2010 1:39 am

      “The first allegation that comes in their share is she is educated, speaks English so how do you expect her to be respectful to in-laws and considerate of our greate culture. As if, her education and economic independence becomes her major handicap with respect to handling culture and traditions.”

      Completely agree with you 🙂 And, herein lies the root of many problems.

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