musings of a married girl
Following are the observations of a young educated girl just after 6 months of marriage in an equally educated family.
I am not adding my comments or my reaction to her musings. Only the language is mine, expressions and thoughts are her own.
1. Why is it that a daughter who lives with her parents for 25 years as an integral member of the family suddenly treated as a guest in her own parental house immediately after marriage? She told me that just the very next day of her marriage her parents, bhabhi all started treating her like a guest. She was served dinner in crockery reserved for special guests. She failed to understand why she could not eat in the same crockery which she used to use earlier? She suddenly felt a stranger there. She was treated as a special guest? She suddenly felt uncomfortable in her familiar surroundings?
2. Does after spending one night with the husband in his house transforms her relations and bonds with the parental family in any way? Does marriage mean that the daughter has to let go her ties and rights in the parental house?
3. Why a woman changes into a different personality once she becomes a mother in law? She is different with her daughter and son but totally a different character when it comes to her daughter in law i.e. the bahu.
4. Why a woman who is a loving mother suddenly transforms to a scheming mother in law?
5. Why is that a mother who gets excited with the thought of her son getting married , who tries to make the marriage function a memorable one for every one, who welcomes the newcomer with open arms ( at least for 1- 2 days) suddenly becomes antagonistic towards the bahu?
6. Why doesn’t the mother in law realizes that the newcomer is her son’s wife who is going to be the life partner of her son, who will borne his child, who will take care of him. Rather the mother in law should take extra care of the daughter in law as she is going to be with the son through thick and thin, she is her son’s wife so she should be pampered?
7. Why does the mother in law have two different sets of norms for her daughter and daughter in law? After all the daughter in law is also someone else’s daughter. If suppose her own daughter is treated differently by her mother in law that how will she feel?
8. Why is daughter’s husband (a newcomer in the family) is treated with respect, showered all the love whereas the son’s wife (a newcomer too) is insulted, humiliated? It is said that daughter in law is the one who will continue the family culture torch burning, who will shoulder all the responsibilities of the family name then why she is ill treated by the in laws?
9. Why is the daughter in law expected to do all the work? Is she supposed to replace the maid servant? Why is she expected to take care of all the family members? Were they not managing before she came? The daughter in law comes as the wife of the son and or as a maid servant?
She was intelligent enough to understand the insecurities faced by the mother in law, she also understands that it is the possessiveness of the mother in law that forces her to become a stereotype one, she also understands that the mere thought of sharing her son with some outsider who suddenly becomes the center of the son’s life makes the mother in law jealous of the daughter in law. But didn’t the mother in law also come as someone’s wife; won’t her daughter become someone’s else’s wife?
This is the circle of life. It is a tradition which is continuing since ages so why doesn’t the present day mother in law give in gracefully and accept the wife of son as an important part of son’s life?