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confusions of young minds

February 5, 2010

Overheard a conversation between two young girls in their early teens in a family gathering

Both of them saw HUM DIL CHUKE SANAM and LOVE AAJ KAL on TV.

This is how the conversation went but before that let me give a gist of the story line of both the movies.

In the first movie the heroine (Ash) is forced to get married to a boy of her parent’s choice. The heroine still in love with her boy friend(Salman) gets married to someone else but informs her husband (Ajay)about the affair and her desire to go back. The gentleman hero moves mountains to help her go back but in the end the wife realizes that she has fallen in love with the husband. A gradual initiation into love with husband!

In the later movie the couple after years of separation and leading separate independent lives with other girl/boy realizes that they love each other and come together. The girl realizes this on her first night after marriage with someone else and just runs off by saying “This is wrong”.

Now the conversation

A , “ I don’t understand why did Ash get married to Ajay Devgan, when she was already in love with Salman? Why didn’t she run away from her house?

B ,” how could she? She was forced by her parents and she must have thought about the honour and feelings of her parents. May be she did not want to hurt her parents, or maybe she did not have guts to do it”

A,” that means Deepika (in Love Aaj Kal) was not bothered about her parents. She ran away after her marriage. She did not think about her parents, her husband and her in laws”

A, “moreover why did Ash not go back to Salman when her husband was ready to send her back?”

B,” Arre, she had fallen in love with her husband gradually ( dheere dheere)

A, “You stupid, it was not love. But when she did not have the guts before marriage to run away with her boy friend, do you think she will run after marriage with her boy friend. Earlier she was thinking only of her parents but now she has to think about her in laws and her husband also?”

B, “but may be slowly she realized the good qualities of her husband, how understanding and caring he was and she genuinely fell in love with him”

A, “yeah! But imagine if Salman had refused her by saying that you are already married to another person, now I cannot take you back then? And Ajay Devgan had also told her I don’t want to stay married to a girl who is in love with another person?

B ,” I think the couple in Love AAj Kal were right in their approach. Deepika must have realized that she cannot get over her boy friend and she did not want to live a life of pretentions? I really admire the couple in this movie. Bold and ready to live life on their own terms”

A, “one thing I don’t understand is why do parents pressurize their children to get married to person of their choice? Do they think the children who are old enough to vote, select the leader for the country, who live in this era of competition, who hold responsible positions in the offices will not be able to take wise decision about their life partner?

B,” actually I don’t know whether to go for love marriage or arranged marriage. Remember that girl from the next block. She had a love marriage but she got divorced just in two years”

A.” And the other girl who had an arranged marriage, even she got divorced just after one year of marriage”

B, “What should we do? I am confused”

The two girls left their conversation half way as their respective mothers had come there.

But the conversation left so many questions unanswered. I was wondering over the effect of movies on the impressionable hearts and minds of young ones. I also realized that the young ones not only watch movies for time pass but they have the capability to discuss the realities of life in turn get more and more confused.

24 Comments leave one →
  1. February 5, 2010 6:07 am

    Why children alone, even grownups would be left confused by such films!But seriously, times are changing. Marriage may not be a life long committment today.

    • February 5, 2010 1:30 pm

      there are cases where marriage is considered a life long commitment. and if we enter into a relation with this preconceived idea that the marriage may not last then I would say the very foundation of marriage is weak.
      It pains me to hear a statement like this . But I know what you said is absolutely right. the sanctity of marriage is lost

  2. February 5, 2010 6:13 am

    Heyy youngsters are having lot more to discuss and they do discuss.

    but the unfortunate thing is they don’t conclude any thing. Some times they are not able to, some times, time doesn’t allow them.

    They are more confused then you were at their age because they are in a ocean of information. Analysing all the available data is also tough job for their immature minds.

    • February 5, 2010 1:35 pm

      as some one said even adults are confused. times and values are changing so fast that it is very difficult to stick to the same old values.
      but the youngsters definitely have become more enlightened and aware of their surroundings.
      Experience/ advice /guidance of elders may prove helpful in such confusing situations. provided the young ones are ready to listen to the elders

  3. Priya permalink
    February 5, 2010 6:36 am

    I would not agree with the other comment about digesting the data and other data.

    The thing is the confusion starts from the home itself…When we go back and say we want to get married to this person then parents instead of discussing logically go back on an emotional chord and keep discussing all the other things like theri marriage failed so and so failed…

    The problem is we start so negative on everything…why can we start positive…

    There is no marriage in this world successful with out being worked out…if you are reading to work on it for sure any marriage would be a success and if you dont it would be a failure…simple thing to be thought by all the movies and parents too…

    Even in Hum dil de chuke sanam…i think ash realises the same at the end that her husband always worked for their relationship and she worked for some one else as she would have thought of it once she would have succeded…of course since a hindi movie realisation comes at the end only…. 🙂

    • February 5, 2010 1:38 pm

      marriage requires lots of commitments, adjustments, compromises and understanding.
      The chances of any marriage to survive for long are very less where the partners are not ready to make compromises and come half way.
      When two different persons with different backgrounds, personality come together conflicts are bound to happen.
      the success of marriage will depend on how the conflicts are resolved

  4. February 5, 2010 6:45 am

    I wont comment on which movie was more realistic or which was ethical or appropriate. Both the scenarios are prevelant in our surroundings. And I wont even say that watching movies is bad. No it isnt. It opens our mind. We think beyond. Just like everything has its pros and cons, so does this. Sometimes these movies can make us think what is basically the unthinkable. We not only understand the options available but we reason out which one to chose and which one to not..

    I think that the two girls discussing were just opening their minds. They were trying to understand relationships. Sometimes it is not necessary to learn things by being in that situation. We can learn from others mistakes. But that happens only when we understand what is good and what is bad.

    • February 5, 2010 1:40 pm

      I always say that movies are a great source of information and inspiration. provided the issues are handled intelligently and rationally.
      there can not be a better media for education.

  5. February 5, 2010 11:07 am

    Yeah, the way the conversation went on shows the movies do affect young minds (and not-so-young ones too).

  6. February 5, 2010 1:04 pm

    It is a fact that the movies do affect both the grown ups and the younger ones.
    The fact that these two girls were discussing the movies,shows that a certain amount of impression has been left/created in the mind.

  7. February 5, 2010 2:58 pm

    Some questions here –

    1) What was the age group of the girls who were talking? – In my opinion (and I am no psychologist) that may help answer the question as well. As you grow up (from adolescence to teenage to being an adult), the myopic view of your desires and dreams change.

    2) What are the current circumstances of girls – relationship status/status of their families/are they settled in life? Some of this also has to do in the overall contribution of how one thinks in life.

    And as for the reel part to real part from the movies, indeed everyone is influenced with what they see, hear or for that matter even feel. I still remember myself being a violent teenager who would not listen to parents and had a rebellious nature only to calm down now when I am in my early 30’s. It’s all in the perception of how we want to take things.

  8. February 6, 2010 5:10 am

    In HDDCS..ASh marries bacause she couldnt disobey her parents..but what happens after marriage? will their reputation not suffer because she wouldnt be a wife to her husband?..isnt she wrong in victimising Ajay devgan..what is his fault?
    I hate the movies where they show either boy or girl marrying in pressure of parents, but after marriage not accepting their spouses..I would say the coourage before marriage and if you dont have that..learn to respect marriage.

    To me marriage is alife long commitment, and marriages are never perfect, but they are are made so by the efforts of both the spouses…marriage is not a ticket to enjoyment or freedom..but a responsibility also towards families.

  9. February 6, 2010 5:56 am

    Anju ji,

    Totally admit that typical commercial movies can lead children to take things into an unreal and different directions altogether. It is generally advised to children not to watch movies or such programmes in Television that are not suitable for them and most parents do not educate their children on why some programmes or movies should be avoided. That apart, most of the parents today themselves do not want to stop seeing unproductive or unhealthy programmes. If the people at home practice watching not just productive or conducive channels, then it not only motivates children to watch such conducive programmes alone but also keeps the mood of everyone at home front healthier.

    These days children are much smarter than their previous generation, but they will still look up to their elders for following new things in life. So if the elders conduct themselves well, it is natural that the children will take a good example in life.

    Good blog – Keep blogging more such debatable and good topics.

  10. February 6, 2010 2:58 pm

    Nice Post.
    I like this a lot.

  11. February 6, 2010 4:11 pm

    It is the eternal battle between creative freedom and social responsibility.

    now imagine a world where you only saw NFDC doordarshan documentaries instead of films.
    good or bad – they need to exist.creative freedom also gives good movies…the trouble is we pick up only the ad habits.

    remember seeing some romeos trying the Ajay devgan split stunt on the bike from P & K his debut movie, and as the bike hit a pothole..the hero came crashing down .ouch.
    but thats not the fun part the fun part is – he was at it again the next day !

  12. February 6, 2010 6:01 pm

    Loved the discussion. I am awed by these two smart girls. I am glad they can think for themselves, and there is no doubt when the time comes they will be very sensible in not taking cowardly short cuts 🙂 I liked the way they analysed Aishwarya’s character in ‘Hum dil de chuke sanam’ 😆
    They are not convinced by the cliché or the stereotypes, they think for themselves, they question, they analyse and they argue! Proud of them.

    Best of luck to both the girls 🙂

  13. February 7, 2010 12:51 am

    My thinking are different. Marriage should have sanctity, commitment, sacrifice. Then only we can love each other, otherwise it is only agreement of living together for enjoyment till the contract ends mutually. Should not we think about our children? What lesson they will take from it. May be my opinion is different from others.
    I also think that all films and serials don’t affect children, only the family behavior. I agree with Mr. Bharat.

  14. February 7, 2010 1:41 am

    the mother should have stepped in with the views she wished to convey. the ideal occasion to inculcate values.
    but then both a & B have their points:-) what do we say?

  15. February 7, 2010 5:02 am

    Here comes the role of parents, which is not to force their choice upon the children but help them mature enough so they can make sane decisions in life.
    About the “love” thing, well, its just a state of mind. One has to be practical in taking the plunge called marriage. Marriage involves deep understanding, trust, compromise, sacrifice, adjustment et al. One must be ready to accept someone as husband/wife before you get married to him/her.

  16. February 7, 2010 11:55 am

    it is true that movies do have impact on people’s mind,
    but the two girls do have some sense, and one can not so easily say that movies always have a bad impact

  17. February 8, 2010 12:20 pm

    Good post, but I think it’s crazy if we judge Indian marriages based on Bollywood movies. They are always super-dramatic.

    I think both cases (LAK, and HDDCS) occur in society quite frequently. It finally depends on the conviction and character of the couple, which option they decide to choose.

    To fall in love is not just an emotion, but a decision and a commitment that the couple must take. However, situations where parents pressurize their children into getting married can result in great misery.

    Girls/boys are totally justified if they choose to walk out in such cases. Life is too short to be unhappy

  18. ROHINI permalink
    April 9, 2010 3:34 pm

    the conversations do not limit with the youngsters…its amongst the people like us also…..the right path can only be found by the rite approach and the thruthful feeling for one….
    nice post

  19. May 10, 2010 3:40 pm

    Huh, a nice article! Landed up from some where and going on to some where else, but found this interesting thing on the way.


  1. From Hum Dil Chuke to Love Aaj Kal at Blogbharti

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