IS IT STREE DHAN?????
Conditions for a middle class family’s daughter to get married — 50 tolas of gold( 1 tola is approx 11 gm and 10 gms about Rs. 16000/- , so now calculate how much 50 tolas will cost) + 50,000 for the boys clothes, chain etc + the regular expenses in the marriage + whatever the girl’s parents wants to give to girl, after all they will be giving it to the daughter
This was demanded from a close acquaintance of my family few days back.
From where would the father arrange this amount? He has three more daughters of marriageable age.
Giving gifts to a newly married couple at the time of marriage is an age old tradition, which was started to help the new couple set up their house and live a comfortable life.
And whatever the girl gets from her parents side is called as stree dhan i.e all that she gets belongs to her and she is entitled to get it back in case the marriage breaks up( Indian law has provision for it)
Dowry is the other name of stree dhan. Although it is treated and should be named as Sasural Dhan
Amongst the well to do families dowry includes big flats in posh localities, latest models of cars, foreign vacations, jewellery for in-laws etc etc..Depending on the financial status of the boy’s side the dowry limits are set.
The best part is the boys side demand all this as,” this is for your daughter”. “We don’t want anything”
if they don’t want it then why are they asking for it? And can’t the son or the family provide the comforts which they are demanding from the girl’s side?
In many cases the dowry which is brought in by the new bride is kept aside by the inlaws and she doesn’t get a chance to use the comforts which were taken in her name from her parents. Rather it is used to give as dowry to the sister in law
If this is taken in the name of stree dhan then why is the girl deprived of all this?
Are they selling their son for all those measly items? It actually amounts to that. They trade their son with some material goods.
Although the boys side put a price tag on their son and who so ever can bid a higher rate gets to see their daughter married to this person
In such a situation the girl should be in a superior position of buyer and the provider but in reality she is the one who suffers the most.
But in Indian society it is not seen as selling of boy. I suppose the boy’s family demand this amount as a maintenance fee for the girl. After all they will be taking her in their house, providing basic amenities, and of course they and their son will be obliging the girl by allowing her to wear a mangalsutra and write Mrs. Before her name . And their son will very grandly help her in producing a child.
Not only is that even after the marriage, parents of the girls expected to give gifts to boy’s family even at the drop of a hat.
Festivals like Sakranti/holi/rakhi/diwali/Teej/Karwa Chouth are incomplete without gifts for inlaws, big boxes of sweets, fruit baskets.
Even after the delivery the girl’s parents are supposed to send clothes/gifts for all the family members of the Boy.
The child which is born, belongs to the husband as well as the wife. Both of them contributed equally for the birth of the child then why is the girl’s family forced to gift to the groom’s family? The child will be carrying the name of the father but the expenses of his delivery are to be borne by the girl’s side and all this is in the name of tradition/ customs and culture
Worst situation is when educated, liberated, enlightened youth succumb to the so called customs and willingly adhere to these norms.
Boys pressurize their wives’ to get suitable gifts from her mother’s house so that his family is happy; in turn the girl pleads to her father to contribute towards her happiness. (Criteria of happy married life is keeping inlaws and husband happy with gifts from girls family).
Why doesn’t the young generation do something about it?
Is the modern youth (girls and boys both) has no back bone or self respect to stand up to this evil?