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December 28, 2009

Yeh To Sach Hai Ki Bhagwan Hai, Hai Magar Phir Bhi Anjaan Hai,
Dharti Pe Roop Maa Baap Ka,Us Vidhaata Ki Pehchaan Hai…

If, the lyrics of above song are correct then how come the parents (once they have become old) are treated as liability by the same children?

Remember Bagban movie —–a true depiction of real life and how the old parents are treated by many children who are well settled in life. I am not talking about all the children , exceptions are always there but in majority of cases retired parents or the left out parent ( after the death of other one) are at the mercy of their sons and their family and many a times daughters and their families.

In our Hindu culture parents and relatives rejoice over the birth of son and more the merrier. An individual with more than one son is considered lucky

But is it so?

A common case of how lucky the parents are?

Imagine a family with many sons and either the situation of Bagban where the father is retired and not so financially sound ( that is a different story if all life savings have been spent on providing for the children and making their career) or  one of the parents left alone after the demise of other partner.

Now the real story starts

The mother/father is shuttled between all the sons throughout the year. If, two sons then each has to take care of the parent for 6 months, if three sons then 4-4 months each and if 4 sons then 3-3 months each.

No scope of any dispute or partiality or unreasonableness. Everything is planned with precise calculations and specifications. A simple, just and systematic solution to a shattering and happiness threatening situation. (afterall  the responsibility of  taking care , looking after, nursing and providing food to parents is no small deed. it does require courage, strength, patience)

After the end of the stipulated term the next in line comes and takes the parent to his house relieving the earlier one. So now it is the turn of next son and his family to suffer and tolerate the intrusion of the parent in his happy family life.

Each day on the calendar is marked; days are counted for the term to end. And then the cycle begins once again with the other son.

These days with the concept of equality and justice and no discrimination between siblings some bold brothers have even started commenting, “the sisters should also take the responsibility of taking care of the parents. After all they also get share in the parental property, so why should the brother be the only one to sacrifice their happiness. Even the daughters should contribute towards the caring of parents and they should also take the parent to their house, why should the brothers be the only one to endanger their married life in the name of parents.

In the case of one son syndrome === he is unlucky as he alone has to endure the presence of parent and bear the burden of looking after the parent for the whole life. For him the happiest persons in the world are the sons who have siblings. They are fortunate as they have to tolerate and suffer the presence of  the parents only for a limited period of time. Rest of the time they are free to enjoy their life independently. But he being the only one has no where to look for help.He alone has to be the BALI KA BAKRA, although the parent/s are not thrown like a shuttle cock from one place to another  at the end of their term but still they have to live with the e humiliation of being treated as some extra, useless unwanted baggage

if parents are the equivalent to GOD on earth then how can the children neglect the GOD, or consider him as encumbrance or nuisance, hindrance in their happiness

Aapke Khwab Hum, Aaj Hokar Jawaan,  Us Param Shakti Se Karte Hain Prarthna, Unki Chhaya Rahe, Rehti Duniya Talak,
Ek Pal Reh Sake Hum Na Jinke Bina,   Aap Dono Salaamat Rahe,
Sabke Dil Mein Yeh Armaan Hai, Dharti Pe Roop Maa Baap Ka,
Us Vidhaata Ki Pehchaan Hai,

mere words for time pass, but then who said that one has to believe in values, traditions and self less love. This is an era of thinking about self or at the most once immediate family. let the parent go to hell.

but children do not forget it is cycle of time. You will also be in the same shoes of your parents one day — then what? just think about it

11 Comments leave one →
  1. December 28, 2009 12:23 pm

    Yes,it is partly true.A lot depends upon the circumstances on either side.
    Baghban types are amongst the typical middle class families where the Father retires and rest what you say starts.
    But ,look at the scenario where the old parents have all the problems but a lot of money–rest assured each child will be willing to look after the Parents.
    It is all about one’s social and economic situation in the later years of their lives.
    Let us not forget,we are all human,we are all selfish .And as the advise goes–one day even the children will get old.
    It is immeterial one has one or more than one child, it is a life cycle.

    • December 29, 2009 1:29 pm

      so it boils down to money. if the parents have money then children will look after them other wise not?

  2. December 28, 2009 2:38 pm

    Both. If both kinds have kids who care for them, both are lucky. If not, both are not lucky…….eh too simplistic na?

    • December 29, 2009 1:31 pm

      you are right but what I have seen around is at certain point of time, children start considering their parents as burden . because parent’s presence in children’s life is taken as hindrance to their life style

  3. December 29, 2009 5:44 am

    And what about those w ho don’t believe in God?? 🙂 Jokes apart, yes this is something that we see. Parents are supposed to be ‘equivalent to God’ and kids are supposed to be ‘manifestation of God’. There are parents who don’t care for their children and kids who don’t care for parents. If we leave out God from it and start seeing each other as humans with foibles may be it will help.
    Parents go to great lengths sacrificing their all for the ‘little manifestations of God’ in their care. Then when they are shunted between these ‘little manifestations of God’ now all grown up, they rightly so, feel miserable. This division of duties among children sounds so insensitive. But I do know a lot of parents who like to stay some months with each of their children of their own accord. Preferably though, they should be allowed to stay where they like and not be shunted around like goods. They deserve that much.

    • December 29, 2009 1:58 pm

      staying with children is parents right I suppose
      but as you said they should not be shunted like goods
      come 31st and off to another house
      imagine the position of the old parent he/she doesnt have a cupboard in his name. as he has to leave the house after a short period
      so he becomes a suitcase person

      and a guest all through his rest of life
      where is the place which he/she can call as own ?

  4. December 29, 2009 6:47 am

    As you have so logically discussed in this post- this is a situation which, unfortunately we often see.

    Perhaps it would be better if parents kept their surplus savings for use in their old age, instead of spending t hem for their children’s education, as they often do.

    Of course, even if the elderly parents are financially well-off, they do need the support of children if they are not well or lonely.

  5. Reader permalink
    December 31, 2009 3:06 pm

    I don’t see anything wrong in sisters taking care of their parents once a while if brother has situations where he can not take care. Leave the property money aside, every child should take care of their parents as a responsibility and as a duty. Why only one child should always suffer? There is only one reason for parents to think and feel that they are been neglected or become a burden is if they are actually not treated good, not been taken care of and not been respected in front of others.
    But if it is not so, then why should parents have such a feeling? Commenting on just the son or the children is one sided opinion, ask parents also as to what are their problems and what is it that makes them feel neglected and then if possible try and see if what they feel is really so because of a genuine reason, is or are sons really treating them so that they feel ignored and neglected, check with the sisters if they are really willingly ready to take responsibility in times when the brother wants a little support? This subject is not this simple and straight. Family dynamics are very complex especially in country like India and other countries like Germany, Russia, etc.
    There is always a reason for everything and nothing is just one sided. It has to be from both sides. You cannot ignite a fire with only one stone, you need to rub 2 stones hard in order to create a fire…Just my thought

  6. January 21, 2010 4:00 pm

    This is a great post. I fully agree with what you have expressed here.I always feel the need to let go of children to follow their dreams and save enough and pursue their interests. children must take care of their elders but not at the cost of their identity.
    great post.


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