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A tough choice

December 19, 2009

You have to choose between me or ——-?

A very common ultimatum given by the husband to the wife

  1. I was watching the movie Avtaar ( Rajesh Khanna and Shabana Azmi) in one of the scenes Rajesh Khanna accuses his wife of betraying him by taking the son’s side.
  2. In my all time favourite novel The Prodigal daughter, mothers of both the main characters are forbidden by their husbands to have any contact with their child.  “You will not see her/him, keep any contact/ he/she will not set foot in the house henceforth.  (Although both the mothers did remain in touch with them on a sly without the husband’s knowledge)
  3. The child doesn’t obey the father or wants to get married to person of his/her choice .father is not ready, asks the grown up son/daughter to leave the house and issues the ultimatum to him/her — No more relation with us. And of course issues order to the wife forget your child otherwise leave my house or better still ,” MERA MARA HUA

Before issuing such an order do they ever think what would be the condition of the wife/mother?

It is like choosing between two eyes or two hands. This or that——-

Husband and children both are equally important to the woman.  How can she make a selection?

Worst scenario is when both the husband and children accuses the woman of taking sides.

Husband –, “you always ignore me, you don’t care for me. Your children are more important to you. Or you are taking their side to secure your future, your old age? But remember they will grow up, make their own life and will leave you. Then you will be left with nothing in hand.

Children—-, “obviously you will take father’s side. Are we not important to you? How can you, being our mother, ignore us? You don’t care for us. You are only thinking of your husband and your Pati dharma. You are so selfish. We have read that mother can lay her life for her child and you can’t even take our side—–“

What is the woman suppose to do in such cases?

it is like saying  ,” Idhar kuan udhar khai “

More often than not she chooses the husband and then tries to find means and ways to be in touch with her offspring.

Why don’t both the parties sort out their differences without using the wife/mother as a scapegoat?

The husband and children very often condemn the life of a wife/woman and pass it as a easy life.

I am yet to hear of any case where the woman has given such option to select between her and the children.

I wonder whom would he choose?

It would be learning lesson for all the men and the children ( sons and daughters) to put themselves in the shoes of the lady of house before making passing such reckless orders.

10 Comments leave one →
  1. December 19, 2009 11:38 am

    is this really a gender issue ?

    • December 19, 2009 12:35 pm

      No this is not a gender issue.but women are often forced to make this choice.
      I din’t mean it to sound like a gender issue. did it looked so?

      • December 20, 2009 6:37 am

        it did… but since u clarify ! 😀

        but doesnt the dad even tell the brother in the house to follow the same line…

        plus in anger these things are said and more often than not over a period of time its the mom only who convinces dad !!! 😛

      • December 20, 2009 9:13 am

        I know most of the things are said in the anger
        but I just want to point out that consider the mental trauma the woman goes when she has to hear such accusations.
        she is always sandwiched between the husband and the children.

  2. December 20, 2009 6:09 am

    No ,I don’t think it is a gender issue.
    It is true that a point of time the husband does feel neglected,without realising the pressures the poor lady is going through.
    Such situation arises when the children are very young and need a lot of attention and guidence.
    That is the time the husband is busy at work place trying to make it in life.
    Such conflicts are bound to arise.
    I think it happens universally and gets settled by itself with time.

  3. December 20, 2009 9:18 am

    The onus seems to be on the women… every time. Wonder how this came about…

    • December 20, 2009 1:10 pm

      sometimes I really wonder why women have been subjected to such behaviour. in the cases which I have mentioned if we go deep into the psychology of the husband he is very clearly stressing that, ” THIS IS MY HOUSE, I AM THE BOSS, YOU- THE WIFE HAS NO SAY IN THE MATTER, AND YOU WILL DO WHAT EVER I SAY.
      that means this is not her house. there is no such thing as combined decision.
      Hitchwriter come to think of and on second thoughts it does lead to gender issue.why the wife is always the sufferer. 🙂

  4. December 22, 2009 10:37 am

    things are changing madame 🙂 girls are learning now ..i dont know if its for the good

  5. December 25, 2009 9:24 am

    it would be a very tough situation…I would pray God’s blessings on all parties involved, including the mother, father, daughter, and the young man/men as well.

  6. December 27, 2009 2:47 am

    I can juxtapose your situation with my mom’s. There are women who have more tolerance and patience than others. And there are such men too (though I haven’t seen many..hehe).

    Its more about individual nature than men and women. I have seen women my mom’s age care a damn about kids or husbands.

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