GHAR JAWAI– A TAG TO BE ASHAMED OF??
One of my neighbours had only one daughter, so for her marriage the parents had put up a condition that the prospective groom will have to stay with them in their house and manage their business and take care of them after marriage.
In other words become a GHAR JAWAI.
GHAR JAWAI is a man who instead of staying at his parents place or staying alone with wife stays with girl’s parents in their house.
Every one around used to give him sympathetic looks when he was seen doing some household work like any other son of the family would do. I remember an incident when he was helping in the diwali cleaning by reaching out to remove things kept in the loft. And the people around actually did “tch-tch, poor fellow” and made fun of him.
Even his parents were forced to hear comments like,” their son has become a GHAR JAWAI. How shameful”? 😦
I just can’t understand what’s wrong in being a GHAR JAWAI. Why the person holding this title is looked down upon with contempt? Why there is so much sarcasm attached to these two small words. Why there is a stigma attached to this word?
We talk of equality of gender. We very grandly say that bahu is like a daughter and Jawai (son in law) is like a son. So what is wrong if he also helps in the household work? Don’t we expect our sons to put in their little bit and help in doing small chores around? So when the son can do it then why not the SON IN LAW?
Moreover, if the girl is supposed to consider her matrimonial house as her own, help in the household then why shouldn’t the boy do the same?
I know all over the world, girl leaving her parent’s house and shifting to boy’s house is common (except for in matrilineal castes) but if circumstances demand they what is the harm if the boy shifts to his in-laws house?
Many a times the boy’s parents start feeling ashamed of their son and start shying away from relatives and public gatherings iftheir son choose to shift his baggage to his inlaws house. it is like IZZAT MITTI MEIN MIL GAYI
I am not promoting the concept of Ghar jawai, lest my future son in law thinks that I would like him to become one. 🙂
What I am trying to say that if the circumstances are such that instead of girl packing her things and shifting to her husband’s house, the boy has to do it then why raise such a hue and cry about it.
If the girl is expected to take care of her inlaws then what is wrong in the boy taking care of his in laws? There is nothing shameful about it.
I know this is because of the values embedded in our culture from ages that son in law is treated as someone superior, someone who should be respected (I know of cases where the father in law is about 65 years and son in law is only 25 years even then he is called with respect with ji suffix after his name or he is referred as AAP.
Is it because parents still think that the boy is doing an obligation on them by marrying their daughter?
I think I am drifting from my topic of GHAR JAWAI so coming back to it once again, why not treat the son in law as part of your own, like your son ? Treat him like one would treat one’s own child and encourage him to also treat the in-laws like his own parents.
At least with today’s generation these things should not matter and they should be open to change their thinking and outlook.
But unfortunately they do. GHAR JAWAI word is something which is still frowned upon. Boys feel it a blow to their ego if they are terms as GHAR JAWAI. But tell me if the girls can become GHAR BAHU then heavens will not fall if they become ———— 🙂