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a perfect relation

November 19, 2009

Few months back someone told me “Aunty I Gel so well with my husband, we have the same likes and dislikes, we have the same views about every thing in the life. We both love life, we believe in having the best of every thing and spending on luxuries”, “I just can’t imagine that how can two persons with different likes and dislikes spend their life together. Thank God we both have same attitude towards life”

(What about the physics lesson I learntin my high school—- opposites attract)?

Last week I came to know that they have separated

What went wrong? If every thing was to their liking, if they gelled so well then what was the precipitating factor for their ungelling (if I may use this word)

I know of so many cases where the couples have different take for same situations in the life, they have different set of norms, different attitudes and ofcourse extremely opposite likes and dislikes but they still are with each other for decades together.

And none of them have ever complained that they are not happy or are just continuing with each other for the sake of their children or family or society.

 I know different people will have different opinions about this. Some may say that two people with opposite look towards life cannot make a happy married life or they can not adjust to each other.

Some may say that such couples can not be happy but they must be adjusting to each other by compromising with situations.

But what is wrong in making adjustments. Isn’t marriage all about understanding and adjustments.

My husband and I are poles apart in our outlook

I am expressive whereas he doesn’t know how to express at all

I love reading books whereas the only thing he reads is his voluminous law books (although I did make him read a novel Rage of Angles — may be he read it because it had a legal background 😉

Till now he has not read any one of my posts in my blog (actually I have also not asked him to read any)

I love watching off beat/arty/emotional/romantic movies. Whereas he is ever ready to watch thrillers/action packed/ crime based movies

For a vacation I would love to go to a new place where I can do lots of sight seeing whereas he would prefer a place where he can just relax, go for long walks.

I am the most carefree (read careless)/untidy/happy go lucky person whereas he is a perfectionist, prim and proper, disciplined and very methodical in his life. and most of our fights are because of this issue only ( because always I forget where I have kept things rather I am in the habit of misplacing things or safe keeping them in places which I often forget)

But then we have learnt to adjust to each other’s personality traits.

He never interferes with my reading passion or my continuous blogging although he does say that for me blogging has become more important than him ;-(

He manages to sit through all the movies which I drag him along to see (he can not complain as even I sacrifice my time to watch all those crime packed action movies)

He is the one who is always forcing me to find some purpose for my life, going for further studies ( not for the sake of degree but to gain knowledge)

It may sound as if I am singing praises about my husband (today being International Men’s day) but what I am trying to say is that two persons with different outlook, different personalities can also Gel together, it just requires a little adjustment, understanding, giving space to each other in life, allowing other person to grow as an individual and ofcourse lots of love and the desire to be with each other.

Perfectly gelled relations can also break if the I of each person don’t merge with each other to form a perfect WE..

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14 Comments leave one →
  1. November 19, 2009 5:58 pm

    Ahh so very well said. I and my husband are also very different but we find indulging each others’ differences a lot of fun! Thanks for the wise words.

  2. Amit permalink
    November 19, 2009 6:27 pm

    Well I think there is nothing like opposite attracts (unless you are talking physics) or if both the partners have same likes and dislikes they can live a happy life together. Understanding, patience and ego are more important factors. Moreover if both the partners can think on the same wavelength they would be more of friends, and it’s easier to live life with a friend.

  3. November 19, 2009 7:52 pm

    Well a couple need not be twins, and even twins are different. It shouldn’t be all opposite or all agreement.

    Couples should agree on some issues and agree to disagree on others. To my mind, that is the best combo…

  4. November 19, 2009 9:06 pm

    For a relationship to click, I guess, similar likes and dislikes are not the only important factor.. Both husband and I have different personalities, different tastes, but we still get along.

    As you say, unless the ‘we’ happens, relationships are more likely to fail than succeed..

  5. November 20, 2009 3:20 am

    well, nice topic again!!!!
    Myself and hubby are quite opposites and love him for however he is…But there are few things, which we are so much alike say 20%. Overall I find it difficult to say, if opposites attract or if you are so much alike, if it works or no….Isnt it all about compromise and accepting your partner the WAY YOU ARE!!!!!

  6. November 20, 2009 5:28 am

    Very true… Its how well you agree to disagree.. The attempt shud never be to convert the other person into someone like u but to appreciate the differences and enjoy them 🙂

  7. November 20, 2009 11:09 am

    Opposites attract… those two words describe me and my biwi !! 😛

  8. November 20, 2009 12:42 pm

    Opposites attract. But to keep them together, there should be a basic platform where everything goes in the same freq for them.
    But yeah, opposite is more fun may be. 🙂

  9. November 21, 2009 7:16 am

    No two can be with same likes and dislikes. In fact that is the best aspect of a relation.In any relation,adjustment,compromise and respect for other’s point of view is the bonding raw material for it to be healthy and last .

  10. November 21, 2009 10:52 am

    Very true. My husband and I are also complete opposites but our relation has been going strong even after 17 years. It is the respect, trust and love that you have for each other that really counts and not the similarities.

  11. November 22, 2009 1:18 pm

    Nice post, Anju. But I think the bottom line is you can never be sure of which marriage may work and which one will fail. Some couples stay together because they are so alike, while others get along despite being poles apart. It’s a gamble or like wiinning a lottery. There is no formula:)

  12. Azahar idris permalink
    November 23, 2009 12:01 am

    A perfect husband-wife relationship. What is it really? Many people nowadays think that if both of them have similar character then they will have a successful marriage.

    Is this true?

    If everything is the same between them then life will be boring!

    They should differ, but make the difference spices of their life.

    I have seen a talkative wife and a reticent husband live happily ever after and at the same time I have seen a couple with everything the same stay on married for only a couple of months!

  13. November 23, 2009 3:36 pm

    Too much of marriage and relationship posts sends us some messages….

    Good post elaborating on the persona of your view relative to human relationships. I actually kind of see myself in the mirror with your post and share similar thoughts (if not all). Both my wife and I are poles apart in our tastes of movies/likes/dislikes and things to do, yet there is a strong bond between the two of us that keeps us smiling when we wake up together on same side of the bed.

    I hope all young couples (either to be married or married) learn from this experience of yours, although they will have to make life out of their own as well.

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