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October 27, 2009

I was watching a movie today in which Boy sees the girl, girl sees the boy for the first time and they fall victim to the love at first sight syndrome. They start declaring their lifelong unflinching loyalty to each other, they become so obsessed with each other that they are ready to forgo their decades old relations with their parents for a relation which is  very recent and based on a mere first sight. They are ready to die for each other without even full knowing the other person

I just wondered was it love or just physical attraction?

According to me the so called claimants of love ( I am talking about the love between a man and woman) at first sight actually mistake this strong emotion for physical attraction .I remember when I was just 10-11 years one of my friends had explained this concept in simple words. According to her “some special rays are emitted from the body of boys and girls. And our body rays attracts the compatible ones emitted by the opposite sex and we get attracted to that person” very cute yet how true!!!!!!!!!!

It is just the power of the looks and physical attributes of the other person which attracts us. It is mere infatuation.

How can one come to know about the qualities of other person, his weaknesses, his positive attributes, his thinking, his way of dealing with different situations and different people just by a mere glance.

For me love is which grows gradually as you come to know the person in close quarters. Loving is not only physical attraction but knowing the other person in and out.

It is taking interest in what the other person is doing even if it doesn’t appeal to me or interest me.

It is giving space and encouragement to other to grow and pursue his interests, ambitions and dreams.

How the person deals with different phases of life, how he handles various relations, how he nurtures a relationship determines the intensity of our feeling towards him.

It is only with regular contact we come to know the person; we start respecting him as an individual, we start developing trust and faith in him.

I don’t say that love between a man and woman doesn’t involve physical attraction rather it is one of the most important requirement but then it is not the only thing.

For me love is missing him and remembering him when he is not there, having faith and trust in the other person, Deriving happiness and pleasure by doing things for him

Love for me is not just a line or a paragraph or for that matter a chapter, but it is like reading and absorbing the whole book. It is not just one emotion but a combination of innumerable emotions

My favorite quote on love is

Never hold on to other person. Set him free

If he comes back to you, he is yours

If he doesn’t, he never was yours









29 Comments leave one →
  1. October 27, 2009 9:02 pm

    🙂 Good question but unfortunately I cannot answer this in words…but, yeah there’s always a but…two people can sense love at first sight and can take time to build it yet it may happen that they don’t end up together because of various environmental factors which again I cannot pen down here coz its a never ending debate for me at least…but yes it can happen that 2 people fall in love at first sight, spend quite enough time to understand each other and realize that they do love each other and admit that too but circumstances may not be so good to these individuals which may lead to separation yet there is a possibility that both keep loving each other…now what relationship would that be I am not sure but it is possible…
    If you ask me specifically, love is eternal…I can only sense it feel it and express it in the way my heart mind and body can but maybe people around can never understand it or sense it…for me love is loving a person knowing that he/she might not be mine ever still loving that person to the fullest of my capacity in anyways and ever way…
    Perhaps some day I would mature enough to write down about my life and it will define what love means to me..perhaps 🙂

    • October 28, 2009 1:28 pm

      loving is which comes through time as you know come to know the person slowly.. i dont know how far one sided love will go.because for me reciprocation of my feeling is very important. if i like doing something for some one it is because of something he has done which is making me do things for him. 😉 actually very complicated issue. hai na

  2. October 27, 2009 9:07 pm

    Very nice post…. Truly love does not happens instantly. At least not to me when I first met my wife (a potential candidate at that time.. LOL). I took my own time to understand her, feel her, be with her and go through various ups and downs of life to get the real meaning of love.

    Time has taught me ample that now even a single instant w/o her from life creates a huge vacuum and it’s hard to fathom her absence. I experienced it when she went back to her home for the first time after our marriage and I was simply a free bird wandering all by myself in the house, not knowing what should I do, what should I eat and many other things that I had taken for granted in being with her.

    ‘It takes long time to love and be loved” is my wife’s signature on her email and indeed very true as you can sow the seeds of a long lasting love life, but the fruits of it can only be enjoyed when the two together nurture it and let the tree of love grow one branch, one leaf and one root at time 🙂

    Love you my wife – always!!

    • October 28, 2009 1:29 pm

      lucky couple. cross ur fingers and say touch wood
      you both are lucky to have each other. rai namak se najar uttar lena

    • October 28, 2009 6:13 pm

      awww Bhaiya…thats sooo sweet…
      has bhabhi read this ?

  3. October 28, 2009 4:08 am fav topic. What do i say? Yes, i agree that diff people have diff takes on LOVE. I have seen people falling in love, at first sight. Yes, i agree that in most of the cases, its more of physical attraction rather than liking personality( u know :)).When you have feelings like hugging them ,kissing them etc its surely physical thing but when its about talking to them, longing to meet them , having a glance again and again standing over the corner everyday, waiting for a smile on their face, listening to their voice and all.Its not infatuation at all right? Peopl always can make sure by doing opposite things.
    Thats all i can say as of now.

    First time here, and this post surely makes a connection, blogwise 😛

    One more thing, how do you set a image next to blog address ( instead of blogger symbol ( e)??

    plz let me know

    Hope to See you around anju 🙂


    • October 28, 2009 1:32 pm

      hey thanx for ur visit. i am also new to wordpress and still in learning phase
      but will share what ever little i know about it.
      the insturctions are given on the tempelate you choose.
      i will mail you the details

  4. October 28, 2009 6:59 am

    Well, it is difficult to explain what love means to me. But I want to say something here. It is not that love (between a man and a woman) can happen just once. Any person can fall in love more than once. Infact you can love 2 people at the same time. Two people. Three people. Any number. The only thing that can possibly go wrong is that the love is shared between these people. That is the only reason why our grandfathers and grandmothers say that love can happen only once.
    I dont know if I know what love really is. A couple may claim that they are in love and spend their entire lives looking after each other. But it may so happen that they are not truly in love. They are just living with us each, they have accepted each other entired, they have got addcted to each other, their lives are connected but m sory to say that they still may not be in love, no matter with how much they believe that they are in love.
    Its difficult. Not to love but commenting about love. An ending debate. Everybody has their own perceptions. And all of us crave to know what the others think about love..

    • October 28, 2009 1:35 pm

      Chandni you are right . we can love two persons side by side. because it is different qualities in different persons which attracts us to them and it is possible to admire and get hooked to different qualities of different people at the same time. the intensity may vary.
      problems may arise when the relation is that of a boy friend and girl friend or a husband and wife. because very few people are big hearted enough to allow two relations side by side. jealousy possessiveness all causes relations to turn sour.

  5. October 28, 2009 7:04 am

    and yes, I dont think there is anything called love at first sight. It is mere physical attraction. Physical in terms of looks, attire, voice, personality as a whole, walk, gestures, etc etc… But until and unless you actually know the person, you cannot love him/her. True it is.

  6. October 28, 2009 7:58 am

    the love at first sight they show in movies makes absolutely no sense! but i believe there is something like that coz there are times when u just see the person and u feel like u want to know him/her or u feel as though u’ve known this person. that is the concept of soulmates. when u just get that intuitive feeling might turn out to be right and u guys might end up together for all u know yeah

    but ya ..the pehli nazar mein pyar hogaya shit entirely physical attraction which really doesnt last long.

    cool blog btw 🙂

  7. October 28, 2009 11:39 am

    and so you defined LOVE..marvellous 🙂

  8. October 28, 2009 10:49 pm

    very true
    yes nice quote i also this quote

  9. October 29, 2009 6:59 am

    Well, i have seen this for the first time…i wud be glad if u let me know the details…do comment..its after all moderated in my blog so not a problem… m asking this bcuz from office i cant open my mails and all u know 😛

  10. October 29, 2009 7:29 am

    Good One…
    I dont know if I sound like an over-matured, sour and bitter loser if I say I agree one hundred percent with you. I mean, you wrote it from a parent’s and hence more wiser perspective and I, only in my 20’s is supposed to counter you.. 🙂
    You are true, physical attraction is mistaken a LOT for true love, if there IS such a thing as that.
    But surely, one cant find THE ONE by first sight, I believe…
    Demands that art of adjusting and sacrificing and all…Cant agree more.

    • October 29, 2009 12:43 pm

      I hope you find your love soon
      I am sure one can find THE ONE by first sight, but in the inital stage it would be just physical attraction. but as you come to know the other peson gradually you will surely start admiring and respecting him/her for his/her qualities and then will come the feeling of love and being with the person all through your life

  11. October 29, 2009 11:05 am

    WELL…it would be quite unfair to unite these two factors together..whn there is lust ..there is no love at all…but as far as the love is concerned ..we do demand to express our love and we are living in elemental world and elmental beings,,can’ts resist our passion..god has gifted us with physical attributes so that we may give our own to the person we love..well physical involvement is also the part of love its gonna be the last step of trust whn one comes to trust the person … doubt love does’t need physucal contact but to ignore the factore would show the abnormality in behaviour..coz man and woman are the best creation of god and onw day they unite to complete the love…love can be even expressed even looking into each others eyes..its also a physical contact…BUT LUST IS GONNA BE WILD DEMAND OF PHYSICAL CONTACT AT ANY COST AND WITH ANYONE…SO HW CAN WE DEMAND IT IN LOVE..COZ IN LOVE THE PERSON IS EXCEPTIONAL…..LOVE IS A UNIQUE FEELING AND MOST BEAUTIFUL GIFT OF GOD….

    • October 29, 2009 12:39 pm

      very well put.
      i read somewhere that when you love someone , physical relation becomes it so? i wonder can there be feeling of love without involvement of sex in it. is there any thing as platonic love?

  12. October 29, 2009 11:31 am

    I wouldnt be the best guy to comment on love… I and my wife knew each other for 12 years and were best friends for about 7 years before I could realise I loved her… all the while i was searching else where… !! 😛 😛

    • October 29, 2009 12:34 pm

      this sounds like a typical karan johar type of story.
      lucky you !!!!!!!!!!

      • October 29, 2009 3:47 pm

        geez… !! me not a karan johar fan !! but lol… if you say so !! 😛

  13. October 29, 2009 12:03 pm

    I think of love pretty much the same way as you have explained in the post but a young thing said that when you meet the “right’ person , a bell rings in your head even though you don’t know anything about them and thereafter everything falls in place. To me it seems like utter nonsense. But that’s how these young people seem to get attracted.

    • October 29, 2009 12:33 pm

      same here, till now I am waiting for that bell to ring. 😉 but yeah there is something called as instant attraction, but again that is physical attraction which may lead to love and which may not.

  14. October 30, 2009 5:54 pm

    I really do not know what love is Anju, but I know what respect is and I know what trust is.
    To me, these are more important emotions.. Physical attraction takes a distant third place.

  15. October 30, 2009 7:04 pm

    A nice read… and a topic that has never ceased to fascinate… since the beginning of time, I guess 😉

    But, I’ve found my ‘soul mate’ and I’m very happy… touchwood!

    P.S. btw I’ve tried my hand at micro-fiction. Do let me know what you think…

  16. October 31, 2009 7:28 am

    A post with a nice thought. Was a delight to read. Love Love & Love making people go round and round and round. Certainly there is nothing like first sight. Love needs time to deepen and finally realized. In first sight you can only like a person. For feelings to develop you have to stand the test of time. I met my husband in a very unusual way and realized that we love each other only when I got engaged to someone else. Lots of ups and down happened then. But now after 2 years of marriage all is sorted and we are together.

    By the way Neha has appealed for the exotic bag she is smitten with. Please agree.
    This is for her.

  17. November 1, 2009 3:47 pm

    It is my first comment on your WordPress blog.
    Firstly, Love at first sight is Infatuation. May be you can like the looks. But not the person as such. Simply cos you dont know him or her as a person as yet.
    Secondly, about physical attraction in a relation, there will certainly be an attraction. And as long as you dont succumb to them, it is fine [at least in my perspective]. If you cant be physically attracted to each other at the time of ‘courting’ you must be either asexual or feinting love.
    My take on love would be something built in years. Needs trust, adjusting, attraction, love, and a lot more factors like a “backbone” to face challenges in life together, acceptance of imperfections in the other..
    For me, it would take years to build something like that. Something like, Ashishji’s life. 🙂 Cheerz to Ashish. And your wife is lucky. 🙂

    Cheerz! Nice post.
    DN 🙂

  18. Mohan permalink
    November 2, 2009 4:38 pm

    You know you are in love when you forget yourself, start thinking more about your loved one and feel like sacrificing everything for his/her sake…..

  19. November 6, 2009 4:30 am

    It takes both parties to reciprocate all of these:-
    eternal feelings, deeds, sacrifices, attentions, tolerance, patience, obligations, trust, faithful, confidence, sense of responsibility and most of all having strong feeling of “oneness” and belonging to each other.

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