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A CONFLICTING SITUATION

October 25, 2009

I am thoroughly enjoying my stay at Boston

In good old days I used to pamper Neha like a china doll but now it is Neha who is pampering me at each and every step. I had come with big plans of showering all my stored up love of last 9 months on her, giving her rest from kitchen work, keeping the food ready for her when she comes from office and generally not letting her do any thing but the tables have turned . She is not letting me do any thing.

I am sure by the time I go back, people in India will not recognize me because of the excess baggage in terms of weight I would be carrying on me. ๐Ÿ˜‰

It is such a satisfying ego trip to see your child leading an independent and responsible life. To see your child dealing with the hardships of life on their own, to see them fighting their battles without asking the parents to help them, to see them climb high and high on the success ladder, to see them making a place of their own in this huge jungle of civilization gives a high which nothing else in the world can give to the parents. I really feel on top of the world at the moment.

But parents are parents. Times may change but parents with their over indulgence, their protectiveness, their own set thoughts will always remain the same. They will never change. We try to advice our children, give our opinions and at times want them to follow our path only and I am sure if we had our way we would live their life for them. and I am no different

I am surprised at the addiction of every one around to branded stuff

In India I suppose most of us are not all that brand conscious but here, these people talk only in terms of brands.

I had started a discussion on this topic with Neha with the intention to change her views on buying expensive brands but instead she came up with strong arguments which left me confused and perplexed

I was advising her to save money and not to indulge in all her fancies and desires (the now famous episode of her desire to buy the Louis Vitton bag for which she sought public vote and sympathy through her blog and mine too and used Gandhigiri to make every one convince me to allow her to buy the bag). (We are still having a tug of war for that. Letโ€™s see who emerges out as a winner)

My arguments were the same that if once we get used to the best then we can never compromise to any thing else. And she should make it a habit to save money for future.

It is all right for now as she doesnโ€™t have any family responsibility so she can afford and can indulge in all her whims and fancies. But what about future? ย When she will have her family, her children to think about? Suppose at that time because of family obligations and responsibilities she is not able to bow down to her desires then wonโ€™t she be disappointed and frustrated?

But she was ready with her convincing arguments,โ€ Mom, that is reason we all are enjoying our life to the fullest. At this stage we do not have any commitments, no family pressures, no obligations or responsibilities, no financial constraints that is why we sometimes succumb to our desires and full fill our dreams.โ€

โ€œWe are responsible adults who know our financial limitations and are aware that once we are settled then it may not be able to cater to all our fancies. Do you think we are wrong in cuddling and pampering all our dreams at this stageโ€.

โ€œWe are struggling here in this world far away from the safe cocoon of our parental love and our roots for a better standard of life, for money for more comforts. Then do you think it is a crime to savor the fruits of our hardships.โ€

In a way she is right. I have seen here that most of the people believe in living in today. They are not so much concerned about what the future holds for them. Unlike we people in India who are so much obsessed with saving for future that most of the time we tend to ignore the present.

But I still think that saving and thinking for future, putting a restraint on our ever flying desires, exercising a little self control will go a long way paving the way for a secured future.

I also think that the youth who have left the emotional cushion and security of their parents, their culture and their roots to settle in this alien land with strangers around them, to acquire maximum materialistic comforts, to earn money so that they can have better standard of life should justify the sacrifices they have made and not get lured by not succumbing to all that this land offers them and should always remember the basic values of budgeting, saving and securing a financially sound future.

There may be many who will not subscribe to my thoughts and who will support the young lot who think like Neha and her friends but I suppose I would also find many supporters for my thinking

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14 Comments leave one →
  1. October 25, 2009 6:21 pm

    baby… m defintely winning on my bag war ๐Ÿ™‚ They are the Gods…nothing supersedes them…hahaha

    but to be honest…mom u know… we can be frugal at times…and at times just give in to our desires…why suffocate are lusts if we can get them out…

    and u r right in ur saving thougt…i dont debate that

    even u guys…save…but spend lavishly on parties… taking friends on dinners… and other things …isnt it…:):)

    we just have to know r limits… and have fun at the same time

    • October 26, 2009 11:42 am

      hey dear u replied from my account.
      seeing your passion, your zeal and your determination to acquire something I know i may loose the war ( as the public vote is with you) I still maintain that one should have control over one’s desires and should not get seduced by what ever is available in market. after all budgeting, financial constraints, planning for future is also something

  2. October 26, 2009 8:39 am

    Very interesting post & very valid point raised, too. I would say you will always find people on both the sides here. But the key here is to strike the right balance. We should not be so obsessed with our branded items and expenses that we find it difficult to adjust if needed at later times and at the same time, we should also enjoy our life the way we want and it varies from person to person.

    I have seen people in US living a life as if with a moto to save every single penny, they simply don’t enjoy.So, your daughter is right that the sacrifice she is doing in all aspect, she would get something in return and enjoy her life.

    From your point of view, i would say that it is better to put forth your poiint of view and let her decide, certain realization only comes when people realize them by themselves.If she is saying she would cut these down and adjust when she will have family, let have faith on her.

    And at the end, I would be on your side, I personally echo with your thoughts ๐Ÿ™‚

    • October 26, 2009 11:48 am

      i suppose it is something to do with our upbringing too. we were brought up at the time when resources were limited, our parents had many family obligations and responsibilities that is why we value the importance of money, living and spending within our budget and also we have been taught to save for the rainy day.
      that is why so squander money on unnecessary material goods just because we have taken a fancy to it doesnt go down well with us

  3. October 26, 2009 9:39 am

    I m with your daughter… sometimes in planning too much for the future… we just dont enjoy our present… !!!

    I mean everyone must save … but not at the cost of today.. !! ๐Ÿ™‚

  4. October 26, 2009 1:03 pm

    I agree with her.We all have only one life and we must live it the way we think it is best.
    As parents all can and d=should do is to give our children the values of life and respect for money.Beyond that,they are intelligent and matured enough to take their own decisions.
    My best wishes and compliments to your daughter for thinking independently.
    Incidentally,I have also returned after a similar” mission” from Singapore,as your’s in Boston.
    Good luck and enjoy your holiday.

  5. October 26, 2009 5:52 pm

    Just came over here today. I think everyone has their own ways of saving and spending and no two people’s interests will match ;). My husband and I always disagree on where to spend ๐Ÿ˜‰

  6. October 26, 2009 7:47 pm

    Damn Louis Vuittons are expensive!!!!

  7. October 27, 2009 10:15 am

    Hey!! Kudos to Neha for taking care of you… so well!! God bless you! ๐Ÿ™‚

    I kind of agree with Neha. When you are young and you have these little desires… if you dont fulfill them, when you can, they take unprecendented proportions. If she buys an LV bag today, tomorrow when she looks at another branded bag, she will be like “Oh! Get lost… I have an LV.. huh!!” ๐Ÿ™‚ But, these desires will come back to haunt if they are not checked… ๐Ÿ™‚ Desires for brands do not last long, trust me on that ๐Ÿ™‚

    So, dont worry… It is ok to splurge once in a while ๐Ÿ™‚

  8. October 28, 2009 7:50 am

    Anju, Its so good to know that you have let you daughter lead her independent life, Unlike many parents who wouldnt let their children go and experiemnt with thier desires and Passion. There are many who would like to manage their children even after college, marriage….not letting them away from the cocoon…
    I like your post for this sole reason and cheers to you!!!!!

    Savings and Brands…..hmmm…:)

  9. October 28, 2009 11:55 am

    i have read the arguments..and me being a part of the lot your daughter belongs to..i would rather do something like buying a branded stuff once in a while and also save..so if i do buy a branded stuff…i would rather go easy on other things in my life..that is the only way out you see..you give in on one item…and she gives in on rest for few years :)…needs a lot of self control

  10. Raja Shaheryar Khan, Pakistan permalink
    October 29, 2009 6:11 am

    Hmmmm….someone once qouted to me..” Life is not a rehearsal”…well making the most of it in every sense without being a bother to the community or anyone else is everyone’s right and in my opinion a must….
    our friends and members of our families who have have moved to the land of oppurtunity have not only given up alot but are also contributing in many ways to the future of our countries and communities….
    some of us feel better in buying branded stuff …even someone like me,not living in the states and from a different generation with a 16 year old daughter of my own,..i get such satisfaction when i,m all branded from head to toe…but some feel more relaxed when they have savings in the bank..like my wife…..!!

    • October 29, 2009 12:47 pm

      thanx for visiing my post.I admit it is a differnt high for different people. I belong to that strata who believes in saving for future, who are ready to sacrifice their own desires to give a better tomorrow to children . but I still think the young should be more judicious when it comes to matters of their desires and spending

  11. November 6, 2009 11:29 am

    You know she sounds so sensible that I would rather she took a decision on her own here. In simple words – I am totally with Neha ๐Ÿ™‚ I am known to be a kanjoos but there are some things I love and those things are not always the same that my kids and husband also like, so my feeling is we all should allow ourselves some indulgences, others may not understand them but the one who wants them, they mean the world to them.

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