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THE DICHOTOMY OF BEING A WOMAN

October 5, 2009

The grass is greener on the other side

We all have been through this stage one time or the other in our life.so how can I be different. This post is about the attraction of the opposite side, the greener side of the other end and my ever confused mind

Long time back when I had just attained my womanhood I used to curse my being a woman and was soooooooooo jealous of all the boys. I often used to crib,” why this punishment to me? Why was I made into a girl? Why not a boy?, What did I do to deserve this state? Oh God please make me a boy in my next birth

This stage lasted till the day I suddenly realized that members of opposite sex are paying attention to me, suddenly I found myself to be center of attraction of many boys, I started looking forward to those whistles, those comments passed by boys not only that I used to enjoy the regular rounds of boys below my house (my children will be scandalized by reading this) OH YES being a girl is the best thing. God please don’t listen to my earlier request, make a girl in my next birth too

Transition to next stage– one fine morning my mom laid down a list of dos and don’ts for me. Not to become very friendly with boys, stay away with them, don’t let anyone touch you, come home early, no roaming on the roads till late in the evening, don’t allow any boy to touch you etc  etc , the list was never ending.—– I don’t want to be a girl. Why so many restriction on me. Why not the same on my male cousins or other boyfriends (boyfriends as in general terms not some on special) God please listen to me. I want to be reborn as a boy only.

This stage didn’t last for long as I had started enjoying the perks of being a girl, I was blossoming into an attractive girl, I was getting used to receive compliments, and I had developed interest in dressing up, shopping latest fashions. Lots of colorful dresses and accessories were available for girl of my age where as the boy of my age were still seen in those dull, stereotyped clothes. No No shifting to man hood is definitely out. I want to be a woman all through my life.

I entered into employment market. Started working along with men. But had to face discrimination because of my being a woman, was not given the same opportunities as my male colleagues. —- Our constitution says equality of sexes, no discrimination on the basis of sex. But it is there. I can’t stand this step motherly treatment towards me. I want to be a boy in my next birth.

Come marriage, and I was off to my inlaws place. I was very angry with my husband. He was thoroughly enjoying the pampering of his parents whereas I had to leave my near and dear ones and come to a strange place with strange people around me. And make adjustments according to their wishes.—Boys are lucky they are not uprooted from their birth place; they are not thrown in front of strange creatures. I want to be a man in the next birth

The adjustment issues continued but then I started realizing that the life of a man is not easy. He is the one who is responsible for supporting the family. He is financial backbone of the whole clan. He has to see to it that his family, his wife are well provided for, their needs are met. He has to work hard to provide all the comforts to his children. And moreover he gets sandwiched between the silly tiffs of mother in law and daughter in laws and  I realized this is a mountainous responsibility so GOD please don’t listen to my earlier request. I want to be a woman only. I don’t want be burdened with this.

Then started the toiling of married life. Adjustment issues, problems with MILS and SILS, homesickness, continuous bickering of relatives, the desire to make every one happy but not succeeding. At times irritating attitude of my chauvinistic husband —— No No , no one should be born as a girl. Why should I suffer all this? I want to be born as a man only.

Then arrived the biggest and most important stage of my life. The state of MOTHERHOOD!!

I was blessed with a cute daughter just after one year of my marriage. And this gave a special meaning to my life. I became so engrossed in taking care of her that I just forgot all my earlier miseries.

And after a gap of 5 years came my son. These two completed my life. These two became the pivot around whom my life started revolving. Suddenly I found that I am the most important person in their lives. The flow of emotion which I felt and still feel when they come running to me with their achievements or cling to me when they are distressed is worth all the mental turmoil which I had undergone till now. All the miseries of life is nothing as compared to the love, affection and adulation which my children shower upon me.

And now I cannot and will not trade my motherhood (which is an extension of my womanhood) with any thing in life.

And now I really enjoy and proud of me as a woman when my husband gets jealous of me, when the children feel close to me, they share all their joys, sorrows, their boyfriend/girlfriends related talks to me. And best is when he tells me sullenly that how he wants to be a woman in his next birth.

But am I really satisfied with my life as a woman?

No. Because there are times when my desire to be a man, which had gone into hibernation earlier suddenly raises its little head above the ground and makes me once again uncomfortable with my existence as a woman.

They are times when I see the atrocities being committed on women, the victimization of helpless women by the hands of the men, the humiliation which the women is undergoing, I feel helpless and ashamed of my being a woman and then the suppressed desire and wish to be reborn as a man again crops up and the whole vicious cycle again starts

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27 Comments leave one →
  1. October 5, 2009 9:41 am

    Congratulations on your first post on WP 🙂

    • October 5, 2009 9:45 am

      thank you so much. I am still in the learning phase

      • October 5, 2009 10:21 am

        Did you try ading your awards on the sidebar? Now we have a widget called IMAGE which can be used directly. 🙂

      • October 5, 2009 3:17 pm

        how do I search for this image widget? 😉

  2. October 5, 2009 10:18 am

    Hey anju,

    Out of all the posts that I have read, I liked this one the best. You have really done a good job in this post. Loved the way you wrote about your undulating desires of being born as a man and a woman in the next life. Truly loved it.
    Thumbs up to this post
    🙂

  3. October 5, 2009 10:20 am

    Anju men do live a privileged life, and the male attention that girls get is balanced by the female attention boys get, in fact it is generally subtle and not really a nuisance, so it is welcome 🙂

    Most of the problems are caused by our social system, it would be a pleasure for a man to be a man and for a woman to be a woman, if we did not treat one as a blessing and another as a burden…

    Men should be able to enjoy dressing up and women should not be denied the joy of being provider for their loved ones, also on never knows when this becomes a necessity!

    I like being a woman… now your post has made me wonder why… (thinking)….

    • October 5, 2009 3:20 pm

      IHM you are right. each gender has its own plus and minus points. what is required is proper balancing
      although woman with their sheer hardwork, determination fit in the shoes of the men but men are at a disadvantage when it comes to dressing up. they have very limited options available to them 😉

  4. October 5, 2009 10:45 am

    Wellcome to WP !!!!!

    will be back to read and commetn !!

    • October 5, 2009 3:29 pm

      will wait for your feedback

      • October 5, 2009 4:49 pm

        I think we all have our moments… and as humans we have a tendency of wishing the best for ourselves…

        at times even we think wish i were a female.. and others when we are surely thankful we arent females…

        so i guess its different at different times.. 😀

        hope I make sense..

  5. October 5, 2009 12:58 pm

    Yay you moved to wordpress!

    I so agree with what you wrote here…….I don’t have kids yet but right now I feel I don’t want to be anything but a girl in my next life!

  6. swatantra permalink
    October 5, 2009 5:15 pm

    Nice post!! I have always loved to be a girl…

  7. October 5, 2009 6:19 pm

    Anjuji,

    Whatever posts I have read of yours, this is the best till date, no doubt:) In our college days when we used to count no of proposals a girl gets in her life, I used envy them and then when they used to describe all those unthinkable incidents they face day to day, I thought i am better being a man.I think we shd be happy with whatever we are and try to make most out of it.

    BTW, on another note your this photo looks much younger than the one in blogspot. Have you gone for makeover for coming to WP :P? I know I am much younger than you, but I can cut a joke na :)?

    • October 6, 2009 1:07 am

      Thanx Mustaf for making my day with so many compliments. best post till date and of course the part about looking young ;-). age is in mind and heart and as i always say I am only 16+. so I accept your compliment. thanx once again
      yup we should be happy with what ever we have and whatever we are. but then we are human beings — never satisfied, always looking and aiming for more

  8. October 6, 2009 11:26 am

    “I see the atrocities being committed on women, the victimization of helpless women by the hands of the men, the humiliation which the women is undergoing, I feel helpless and ashamed of my being a woman”

    I think we should be ashamed of being a man and not you…..:(

    and nice post!!!

    • October 6, 2009 6:39 pm

      very few men think like this. You seem to be an exception.
      otherwise most of the men I have come across don’ t think twice before insulting a woman

  9. October 6, 2009 12:30 pm

    Your picture on WP is very nice.
    Men and women ,both have their problems, responsibilities and opportunities in the society.
    That how the world moves and is created.

  10. October 6, 2009 2:03 pm

    Can we as human being ever be satisfied for what we are given and we have? If not, then this tug of war between thoughts will always be there for ages and ages and we will always find ourselves swinging on each side of see-saw time to time.
    What we as men or women do to harm each other is a complete different topic to discuss and debate.

  11. October 6, 2009 6:29 pm

    every gender has plus and negative no one is superior than other. both are equals.

  12. October 6, 2009 7:08 pm

    Such a lovely, balanced post! I love being a woman, despite the challenges and the problems we face.

    ‘They are times when I see the atrocities being committed on women, the victimization of helpless women by the hands of the men, the humiliation which the women is undergoing’ – yes – these make me feel helpless too..

    Fantastic post!

  13. October 8, 2009 1:05 pm

    There was a time when I wanted to be a man, but I soon out grew that stage.
    Now I can not imagine not being a woman… I feel in spite of all the discriminations we face, there are things we can do which no man can ever do, becoming a mother is just one of them.
    Your profile photo is great. You look so young.

  14. October 9, 2009 4:51 am

    wowww…what a beautiful post… and i totally agree with u…
    even i felt that once or twice…but after a certain phase…i always want to be a girl…a woman… the best thing to ever happen…:)

    and ur part where u talk about motherhood… really beautiful….

  15. October 10, 2009 1:09 pm

    A woman is the greatest creation of God/the Supreme Being. And I am glad that I am a woman. The word ‘man’ is within the word ‘woman’ and so is the word ‘he’ with the word ‘she’…

    Civilization cannot continue without women… and there are many who say that a ‘man’ was the rough copy that God made… before he created his masterpiece the ‘woman’…

  16. December 29, 2009 8:53 am

    Oh god. It seems like I am reading something word to word which I keep thinking in a day many times. Why the hell God made me a girl, Wish I could be a boy, but when I look at the beautiful side of being girl I feel so happy. Great post…..

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