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History repeats itself

September 21, 2009

I am just back from a flying visit to my mother’s place

Although the trip was only for a very short period but it gave me insight into my role as a daughter and also as a mother. And I realized one thing i.e. a mother is a mother whatever her age may be. Whether she is 75 years old or 50 years old or 25 years, the basic traits of a mother never changes.

She is always loving, forgiving, caring, over indulgent, over protective, over anxious and she overlooks and forgets all her physical sicknesses, physical discomforts when she wants to do something for her child. She goes out of her way to give happiness to her child and derives incomparable pleasure in doing petty things for them.

I realized so many things about myself which earlier I used to take for granted .also I got a chance to analyze my past and present and visualize my future

I also saw my mirror image in my mother

This time I tried to put my self in her shoes and then only could I understand her anxieties and her reaction to many situations in the past and also in the present.

In my young days when I was just a daughter I used to get irritated so many times whenever my mother used to advise me on certain issues or correct me. During those days I used to have only one answer,” mummy please let me take my own decisions, I have grown up,. I never for a second gave it a thought that how my mother must have felt when I used to snub her like this

But now when the roles have reversed, now that I have become a mother and I do the same things and when my children reply in the same manner I feel insulted or left out.

Most of the times I forgive the mistakes of my children, I overlook their indifference towards me and I always justify this by saying after all I am a mother , how can I carry any grudge against my own child, how can I be angry with them. But then after meeting my mother or talking to other mothers I have realized that I am not doing any thing great. All mothers are the same. Inspite of me not liking some of her thinking or her beliefs and my telling her so , she forgives me and my insolence. Don’t I do the same with my children?

My behavior towards my children is a reflection of my mother’s behavior towards me.

And of course my children’s behavior is a mirror image of mine towards my mother.

When I pester my children for eating or I want to know little tits bits about their life, at times they get irritated and find my attitude as an intrusion in their privacy. But don’t I feel the same when my mother does the same thing.

It is truly history repeating itself.

I always laugh at my mother when she gets excited over my visit to her and she starts asking me what I would like to eat and she goes out of her way to make my favourite dishes, but then don’t I behave in the same way when Neha comes to India. The pain of parting which I feel for my daughter when she goes ,even my mom must be feeling it when I leave her.

The pampering which my mother or father gave me the is similar to what I shower on my children and most of the time the reaction of my children is the same as that of mine when I was just a child.

There is a saying in Hindi which goes “JAAKI NA PHATI BIWAI VA KYA JAANE PIR PARAYI” ( literal meaning of this saying is till you get pain in the cracks of your heels you will not understand what other person is feeling) till you experience the same pain; you will not realize what the other person is feeling.

Until or unless we put ourselves in the shoes of others we will not realize what he is undergoing.

One can understand the feelings of a mother or a parent one only when he or she becomes one.

20 Comments leave one →
  1. Apanatva permalink
    September 21, 2009 6:47 pm

    ek ma kee dastan ! hakeekat ye hai kee ye to hai har maa kee dastan
    100%har maa ke ye hee ehsaas honge.bahut hee acchee post .

  2. Ooglers Googlers permalink
    September 21, 2009 7:21 pm

    Only a mother can express the feelings that you have felt and encountered. All I wish is that you continue to visit your mother every year and make her feel proud and all the associated family members as well.

  3. Solilo permalink
    September 21, 2009 11:33 pm

    Exactly! all of us go through the same process. Today it is us, tomorrow our children.

  4. Queenmothermamaw permalink
    September 21, 2009 11:58 pm

    The exact words I said about my youngest daughter who is 32 and getting divorced. She has no children and does not realize how she hurts me some times. Very insightful.

  5. Rajiv permalink
    September 22, 2009 5:31 am

    Well written…and its true..

    I m impressed by the number of posts you have and the the number of responses you get…keep it up!!

  6. Rajiv permalink
    September 22, 2009 5:35 am

    well written and its true..

    Keep writing!!

  7. indianhomemaker permalink
    September 22, 2009 6:09 am

    I have noticed this too… recently when I visited my mother and saw her as another mother of an adult child, I realised I am a lot like her…pampering and even spoiling just like she did. In fact I felt the closeness that I share with mom is why I am so close to my daughter! It's in the conditioning…

  8. hitch writer permalink
    September 22, 2009 6:34 am

    Loved the post… !!

  9. Chandni.. permalink
    September 22, 2009 7:11 am

    An eye opener…tuly

    And after reading your post, I love my mom even more now…

  10. Zeba permalink
    September 22, 2009 7:31 am

    I used to worry that I would turn like my mum, but now I wish I do!!

  11. Parita permalink
    September 22, 2009 9:35 am

    So true!¨well written!

  12. manju permalink
    September 22, 2009 11:35 am

    Great post, Anju! What you've written is so true!

  13. Ms. Neha Gandhi permalink
    September 22, 2009 1:20 pm

    hahhaha… so u understand both sides of the coin 🙂

  14. September 22, 2009 2:00 pm

    Be it a mother or a father, I am sure the feeling must be the same. All I hope is that you do the same as your mother did to you in terms of caring and parenting but you try and avoid doing those things that were wrong and imposed on you to do and you knew that they were wrong yet you did…

  15. BK Chowla permalink
    September 22, 2009 2:04 pm

    Anju,God has made mothers with a special raw material, strong but kind.
    Do you remember when you were young(only daughter),you would insist on buying latest pair of shoes,even when you did not need it?Is it happening to you today?In my opinion,that is the happiest moment of a mother's life.
    Your post is superb.

  16. Milan Mehta permalink
    September 22, 2009 4:33 pm


    We as children don't realize what our parents feel. But we eventually will realize it someday when our own children leave us for work etc.

    Mothers are very special they love their children in a selfless way no matter how far away her own children are. In her heart she always feels them close to her.

  17. Anonymous permalink
    September 25, 2009 6:17 pm

    Nice one…after reading this I realized how much I argue with my parent…

    But isnt this a generation gap??


  18. Roshmi Sinha permalink
    September 27, 2009 6:00 am

    Well written!

    P.S. Wish you a very Happy Birthday… !!! 🙂

    And Shubho Nabami!!!

  19. Shas permalink
    September 27, 2009 7:31 pm

    The title of the post is very apt. Such is the power of emotions and maternal instincts.

  20. April 15, 2010 2:13 pm

    Very true.
    Very well written indeed.
    And I got one more example that history really repeats itself!

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