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June 16, 2009

I am just expressing myself with no offence or insult meant to the members of opposite sex and no one should take it personally but these are my views and feelings.
I realise that all the men will take it with a pinch of salt but a request just think rationally and objectively.

I have nothing against men or sexual needs of both the sexes. I know it is an important and integral part of life and we can not do without it but what perturbs me is the distorted way of satisfaction of this natural desire.

Yesterday read about Shiney Ahuja and how he raped his maid servant

Last month there was a news item about Deepak Tijori and how his young daughter was kidnapped

Last week I came to know that from a busy road from Mumbai in broad day light a young girl who was walking with her parents was forcibly taken by some boys, raped and then thrown on the road side a few miles away.

And if we open any news paper there is bound to be a news item on men molesting women/eve teasing/rape/father having sexual relations with his own daughter?

All these incidences have one thing in common and that is all of them are related to male libido and male sexual desires.

I have never heard of any women molesting a man, or kidnapping a man to satisfy her sexual needs. I admit that there are cases of woman seducing man for her sexual urges but such cases are very very rare but have never heard of a woman taking advantage of her own son (isshtttttttt—— can’t even think of it. Mere thought is so nauseating)

As compared to men the cases of women who have resorted to such shameful acts are negligible.

This raises a question

Do the women are devoid of sexual urges? Or they know how to restrain themselves?

Are male sexual urges so powerful that they can’t resist themselves and exercise some voluntarily control over it?

What compels man to resort to such lecherous behavior and compels him to stoop down so low as to molest his own daughter?

Is the gratification of his lust so strong that man forgets about his status, his position in the society and ambitions, family responsibilities and obligations?

is it possible for an urge like sex and the resulatant momentary pleasure so strong that it blinds the senses, the consciousness of the person that he is ready to gamble his very exisence, his life, his social standing his career, his dreams and jeopardise his progress.

Whatever the reason may be, the victim is always a woman who has to suffer the brunt of this stigma which is enforced on her with no fault of hers except for her being a woman that too because of God’s desire.

Thinking about all this I feel like crying over the vulnerability of women and the humiliation meted out the members of my sex.

28 Comments leave one →
  1. Pari permalink
    June 16, 2009 6:27 am

    hii…am the first πŸ™‚
    This post reminds me of the movie "Astitva" I am not really able to compare whether this incidents are due to mere stronger urges or just an evil side of their minds! Its not particularly 'sexes' issue but just some beings being inhuman! Dono..but i hate the insecurity that surrounds females due to these gory incidents !!

  2. Parita permalink
    June 16, 2009 6:53 am

    I totally agree with u, all this so just so sad, makes me cry and angry at the same time!

  3. ZiLliOnBiG permalink
    June 16, 2009 7:36 am

    HUMM, i think what you have inquired about men is true. Its weird as to what extend they go to satisfy their libido.
    But i think, this lust and craving for sex is a manifestation of lot of other things. I was watching a programme on National geographic which says that sexual desires increase when a man is under stress, because the part of brain which is responsible for the two are the same.

    I think people who have extraordinary libido that they attack their own children need to be checked for mental disorders.

  4. Zeba Talkhani permalink
    June 16, 2009 8:16 am

    I have no answers to your questions. But well written mam.

  5. Zeba Talkhani permalink
    June 16, 2009 8:16 am

    I have no answers to to your questions. I don't think anyone will. Well written.

  6. ramya permalink
    June 16, 2009 10:59 am

    Really well written. I see another Usha Vaidyanathan in making here in you Mrs Anju.
    I am sure you will enjoy reading her blogs thoroughly.

  7. ramya permalink
    June 16, 2009 11:07 am

    Shiney Ahuja is not only an expressionless actor but also a very unprofessional guy. But, I never expected this from him despite of the above two points I mentioned about him.
    Being a young lady myself, the same thoughts crept in my mind. But, the point is, real men don't rape, real men don't have sexual urges. Such men make women feel a helpless human being and to make her wish that she should not have been a woman. But, there is nothing better than being a woman. Whoever say that its a man's world, they are scardy cats. But, I say so too. Men MAKE women scardy cats. Lady, its truly a man's world. :-O

  8. Aparna permalink
    June 16, 2009 12:58 pm

    I dont think rape has anything to do with sex. Its just a warped desire to subdue a person who is physically weaker than you. It has more to do with the urge to be physically dominating.

    Rapists should be put behind bars for a lifetime. No leniency should be shown to the rich and powerful.

  9. Ms. Neha Gandhi permalink
    June 16, 2009 3:21 pm

    i have always been curious and as strongly against this subject of rape.. or forceful-consensus sex under a threat…

    such people should be convicted publicly and should be castrated too…

    however r system..or rather the sorry state of r system… keeps aside the socially-economically lower person in this act and the one with the upper status comes out free and clean.

    wonder what will happen if the victim is a celebrity with a much higher status…

    besides this harsh reality… i loved this post of urs…the boldness and the point of view stands out clear

    u should be writing for some magazine …this is what i feel

    good going …keep it up πŸ™‚

  10. Stillness Speaks permalink
    June 17, 2009 5:55 am

    Hello Ma'm! Thank you so much for stopping by my blog πŸ™‚

    I totally agree with your views. I've no answers to the questions though. I fail to comprehend why they can't exercise a constraint on their desires. Why are women always looked upon as objects which can be used to satiate their lusty desires. I am sure decent men exist too. If they expect their sisters and mothers to be treated decently, why is it such a pain for them to be as decent! I've no answers Ma'm, but I so agree with your views. I hope the younger generation will learn something from it, and will bring about a change!

  11. Vamshi Krishna A permalink
    June 17, 2009 12:14 pm

    Hi Anju,

    You stole my thoughts. Its a shame to see these things happening even now. I think the only punishment that would stop such things is to imprison for life. I think the younger generation(read me) is more prudent and thoughtful. I think respect is ingrown and should be taught.

  12. shilpa permalink
    June 17, 2009 12:33 pm

    Seems like you have hit the nail on the head. I think men have been physiologically built to have sex on their minds 24/7 and they find it difficult to control their urges. Sort of like wild animals??

  13. Shruti permalink
    June 17, 2009 1:44 pm

    Very well written….
    I have asked such questions to my mother when I was a teenager, more than about the male libido, I had questions about societal treatment & attitude towards the victim….Most of them are not accepted back into the society, without bias. Which is itself is a bigger crime as a community….Of course, this is the other end of the line…
    Why men do such things in the first place is beyond me. But I do think it has to do with how you are brought up. This incident indicates that, in some families the worker class is still considered something that can exploited like nobody's business..And this is how their kids grow up to be..Or maybe, they just think that about all women….who knows!

    All the same, it is still a terrible terrible thing..!!

  14. The Panorama permalink
    June 17, 2009 2:25 pm

    A touchy subject,Anju but it made me think a lot. I have been thinking the same thing, why do men rape? And Shiney could easily get a woman who would gladly sleep with him. But men who rape do it because of agression. Rape is an act of violence and aggression.
    Lets see what happens here. If he is guilty he should be severely punsihed.

  15. Mia permalink
    June 17, 2009 3:43 pm

    very boldly written.. Hats off to you..
    It brings tears..

  16. Rush permalink
    June 17, 2009 3:54 pm

    liked ur post..right on the face, would love to know what the male readers think and how they respond..dont see any male commenting!!

  17. Child Of Adam permalink
    June 17, 2009 5:41 pm

    Though I agree with a lot what you said, but I certainly disagree with you when you say that it is always women who suffer. Many cases of men sexual abuse go unreported, coz such things are normally unthought of!! Fancy a man being raped!! but that happens! I think rape is a lot to do with the person's psyche. There are people who actually enjoy rape more than normal sex. There are people across the globes who engage themselves in paedophilia. There are those who enjoy same sex relations. These cravings are a manifestation of many things combined, and not just being a man!! In an average Indian household, a son gets almost whatever he wants, whereas the daughter is told to curb her wishlist. I think this feeling leads us to believe that we can have whatever we want. But ofcourse, when it comes to having sex etc, most of us know where our fantasies end and the reality kicks in.
    There was this comment by some lady where she said all men think of sex 24 x 7. Hmm… now that makes me think why women think that we dream of having sex all the time.
    Yes, we do think of sex a lot (its an honest answer), but not to extent as perceived by many women.
    One of your comments also reads "But, the point is, real men don't rape, real men don't have sexual urges. Such men make women feel a helpless human being and to make her wish that she should not have been a woman" . I can't even understand she says.
    Interesting post though!

  18. feddabonn permalink
    June 17, 2009 7:22 pm

    thanks for stopping by my blog, anju!

    i tend to agree with aparna, here-rape/molestation may have more to do with feelings of power/dominance than just lust. even some cases of homosexual rape i know of are less out of sexual desire and more out a desire to subdue/humiliate/destroy.

    i tend to favour drastic punishment-castration. in a recent conversation with my partner, though, i heard an interesting perspective. she suggested that because rape is treated as such a severe crime, the stigma a victim goes through is worse, and makes their rehabilitation harder. if it were treated on par with physical assault, for instance, victims may be more likely to speak up against rapists. in giving rape such 'prominence', we may only be perpetuating the idea that sexual dominance over someone is the ultimate dominance. [i realise these are opinions, and do not mean to offend!]

    @rush: i'm male. πŸ™‚

  19. Durga Nandan permalink
    June 18, 2009 5:24 am

    Men think with their _ _ _ins and brains.
    Women, with their heart and brains.
    Sometimes, I wonder if they use their brains at all.
    But I would have to assert, I have found most men as real honorable and gentlemanly.

  20. Smitha permalink
    June 18, 2009 9:24 am

    Very well written! I think it is due to the fact that men are brought up thinking that they can get away with it. I think it is because more often than not, the victim is blamed for the crime. I read the other day about how majority of rapes are not even reported. More so when the woman is in a more vulnerable position – where they might be dependant on their rapists for the livelihood..

  21. cafephilos permalink
    June 18, 2009 6:59 pm

    Hello Anju! Thank you for a very interesting post.

    Is it possible to understand either male or female sexuality without understanding evolution?

    Most of our closest relatives in the animal kingdom do not rape. We are almost alone in that behavior. So what has caused our species to have that behavior?

    I myself have no idea but I strongly suspect any adequate answer to that question would necessarily take into account some evolutionary forces that were present at one time or another during the origin of our species.

    Now does the fact our species evolved the behavior of rape justify rape?

    Of course not! Such an argument would be moral nonsense. Our species has also evolved wars and murder — are wars and murder therefore justified simply because they are evolved behaviors?

    But I will argue this — to try to understand rape without understanding evolution is at least somewhat futile.

  22. Reshma permalink
    June 19, 2009 1:44 pm


    I tried posting comment a number of times yesterday but was getting blogger currently down error. Reposting my comment-
    Have been following your blog but commenting for the first time πŸ™‚
    Great blog you have here! Loved the colorful template as well !

  23. obssesor permalink
    June 19, 2009 5:50 pm

    You know without bringing in the gender issue, it's def. possible to contain your urges, it's just that men succumb easily. Also, yes there have been instances of women raping men…few and far in between but a big YES!

  24. All Talk and No Action permalink
    June 27, 2009 10:42 am

    I think I can call you aunty…Came to your Blog via Neha's…

    A very hard hitting post. As in…you have called a spade a spade !! Aur koi gunjaaish baaki hi nahi chodi πŸ™‚

    But I must say, men that I have been surrounded with, have been nothing short of gentlemen ! It's sad that a few rotten mangoes are spoiling the image of the whole lot…

  25. Ye manzilen !! permalink
    July 1, 2009 1:11 am

    The reason we have so many rapes happening in India these days can be seen in the responses to this post of yours. Folks, are willing to cry, have no answer or just appreciate your writings.

    I say one word has the cure. ENFORECEMENT. I belive the Indian peanl code has enough fire power to take care of the menace. What we need is proper enforecement.

    We should not allow any rapist walk away free. I am not advocating violence here , but people like me and you should be on the street putting pressure on the judiciary to bring the justice to the victim.

    It saddens me to see that people here don't know what to do? Men are fully capable of controlling thier desire – even at the 11th hour….no points for hiding behind biology.

    Enofrce the law of the land…thats it.

  26. Anonymous permalink
    July 1, 2009 4:14 am

    Nice post!!!

    I agree with Child Of Adam that it not always women who suffers..but thats rare.

    I always believed that women are mentally stronger than men and thats wat come in to picture. It takes beast a minute to enter your body and most of the cases are impulsive(i.e. not planned). And women are better at handling it.

    And as ye manzil said we should make sure that rapist gets punished. We should set up fast track courts for such cases and make sure such people are hanged till death.


  27. india unbound permalink
    July 1, 2009 3:03 pm

    @ Anju Ji

    No need to be sorry. However I feel its mostly about power. True empowerment of women would help in improving the situation.

    Now at least we see that women & society at large dont blame the victim much. I am sure you have seen times when the victim herself had a lot of explaining to do and "she was asking for it" was a common refrain among people. Today a lot of women come forward and register cases. This has been possible because of change in attitudes.

    Things have improved now and I hope we will see better days.

  28. December 29, 2009 6:54 pm

    It’s unfair to judge all men on the basis of what a few do. History has repeatedly shown that women handle power just as poorly as men do.

    In the recent Abu Ghraib prison scandal, the public was shocked to see female jailers sexually abusing the prisoners just as much as the men were. When a human is given the ability to do something and the desire to do it, both men and women will take advantage of the situation.

    As a man, I refuse to be bundled with other men who rape women. I bear no responsibility whatsoever. So let’s keep the rhetoric down and not talk about men in general. For each man who molests a woman I can find thousands who don’t. That’s not a very good statistical sample at all to draw a conclusion about men being unable to control their impulses.

    I have sexual urges and manage not to unleash violence on women as do all the other men I know. In fact, I’ve never met a man who has abused a woman. The only ones I know about are those who are reported in the news. Again, a miniscule sample.

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