Over pampered children make egoistic parents/partners????????
It’s neither a hypothesis for a research nor the conclusion of one but purely a result of my observations.
Most of the time we the parents, pamper our children beyond any limits, we go out of our way to do things for them, our heart literally bleeds if our child has to do some work. There are mothers who won’t allow their sons to even lfetch a glass of water.
A child who is pampered (read over) in his growing up days, whose all whims and fancies are catered to, who is used to having his own way, who is made to feel special by his parents may become an adult who is an egoistic, attentions seeking and difficult to adjust with situation types.
Such children becomes adults who are mostly stubborn ,attentions seekers and un coopeartive.
As he/she is used to doing things his way, he/she will find it difficult to compromise and deal with various ups and downs of life and deal with various issues of life rationally.
When such a child grows up into an adult and dons the role of a parent he surely is going to pamper his children the same way as he was done and he will do all those things which he had seen during his process of blossoming into adulthood.
But the real problem occurs when there is a conflict between him (a over pampered child of past) and his over pampered child as both of them wants to have their own way.
Same is the case when he has to deal with is life partner.
If both of them have been pampered and sheltered by their respective parents then both will try to mould the other as per his/her style which in turn will lead to misunderstandings, conflicts, arguments and finally breakups.
The adult who has always been made to feel important and extra special finds it extremely difficult to take a back seat or on the receiving end of criticism as most of the parents treat their children as if the sun rises and sets with the children only and the child has never encountered any criticism.
such children have not only face problems in their marital life, with their children but also in their other social as well as work relations
Moral of the story—- pamper your children but don’t go overboard. Teach them words like adjustments, compromise and giving in. teach them that they are not right always, there are others who could be better than them
It is a good reading material.
It is always the mother on the spot who knows under what circumstances is she bringing up the child.We don’t know about individual compulsions.
so true. i had a roomie sometime back, whose parents had spoiled him beyond correction. I pity his wife now.
Anju,
Very true observations and sensible suggestions. It is a fact that most of the parents do spoil their children with love without inculcating right values. And then when they are ignored in their old age they blame the children so spoilt.
Take care
My opinion is that pampering is ‘Love’ shown in many ways. There are people who believe that sparing the rod is spoiling the child. It isn’t true. Pampering is gently teaching a kid that ‘I respect your needs and choices in life, so u r given the freedom to be who you are and special privileges’. It makes a child believe in itself that when it grows up, it will respect the choices of others and step out of the way to give others what has been received. The gifts of unconditional love. Of course serious flaws has to be corrected with firmness to ensure that it is not repeated again.
Going overboard with strictness and criticism leaves scars, injuries and traumas that could never ever be healed later on in life. He/She becomes a rebel and does all the things that you have mentioned in your post. Death by chocolate is good than by cyanide. Mistreatment of their own children results in suicidal thoughts/addictions at a distant period. But the cause runs deep and could be traced the way that child was handled in its formative years.
So please pamper your child today and lavish appreciation on him/her. You could be missing something when you grow older. This could happen……
Thanks for the nice post!
Great observations and findings.
As you said children should not be over pampered, there should be a limitation, but that doesn’t mean the parents should be strict. It should be a blend.
ARJUN MS
INDIA
nice observation. The best thing is that you took time to write it down. I love to make such psych observations too. But cn never gather enuf courage to write it down.
Its a parent’s dilemma! Something that I can really identify with. Pampering can be really bad, neglect can be worse. I think as parents, we need to find a middle path. The disadvantages of the middle path is that the children tend to get confused. Such a parent would be described as one having a split personality.
There is some truth in this. However, some turn out fine human beings too. There is nothing wrong in pampering your child but the most important thing is to teach them empathy. Spoilt children who are taught empathy and have been given guidance in interpersoanl relations will not grow out into obnoxious selfish adults. On the other hand, it is mostly children who are neglected and ill treated who turn out to be psychopathic or sociopathic adults. I have seen too many such adults who were never pampered or given any attention. They are the real selfish ones sometimes whereas someone who has had enough attention in childhood is also secure and able to return feelings.
It is all in the upbringing of children. Sure, parents have the full responsibility. But the pity is most of the parents need real counselling in this regard. How one can teach if one did not have the opportunity to learn?
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Well, I initially believed that there’s nothing wrong in saying ‘yes’ to all of a child’s desires. But, I later realized that I was wrong.
Over-pampered children probably don’t learn the lessons and importance of adjustments and compromises.
A to-the-point and nice post
What you say is very true. Indian parents usually spoil their sons. The better school, the better clothes, a better education, relaxed rules…are for the son. Is there a link between this and how some men relate to women?
Thanks, its really nice post. parents who don’t pampered their children, it doesn’t mean they don’t love them. true values should be given a child to become a good human & for their better future.
wow…! its was very nice to read it and i do agree that too much pampering children is not good though i’m myself a pampered girl… but being pampered is much fun where you can have your way most of the time and sometimes it fails but truly you get whatever you want but i don’t cross my limits.but in here in america there are too many pampered girls feel vry lucky to be one of them
From my own observations …… I find that “we” have “pampered and coddled” to such a degree that narcissistic personality disorders seem to dangerously rate higher in our communities …